Pain in the Back Follow up.

I find it interesting how I went such a long time with a little bit of pain and then all of the sudden it was pretty much uncontrollable. Walking over two miles a day for several weeks and I was actually feeling pretty good. Then there it was. So unbearable that when I went to walk it took me one lap to get loosened up then I was out of commission the rest of the day.

It seems now that I want to put an interesting twist to the back pain. At the time the pain started to get worse I had made a change in my life. I grew up going to church all my life and over the past 10 years found a bad taste from going. Now I am attending church regularly on Sunday mornings and then I started going to two Bible studies on Tuesday and Wednesday. Guess when the back pain started. Right after I made the commitment to attend the Bible Studies. It was so evident that those there noticed my pain and I was even trying to conceal it as much as possible. So what has that got to do with my back pain?

I have learned through my church attending, from when I was younger, that Satan loves it when Christians stop doing what they are supposed to be doing. Not attending church, bad attitudes, living carefree and that who really cares attitude. Just like I had. Then all of the sudden I make a life change and try to get myself back to where I need to be. Well, Satan pretty much has free rain here on the earth and he does not like Christians to get on the right path. I truly believe that it was Satan allowing the pain to build and took away a lot of my pain tolerance so that I was really feeling miserable. But the thing is I refused to stop doing what I was doing. Being reminded that God is really in control and you must rebuke Satan to get him to leave you alone, I had to do something.

What was it I did? First I prayed to God and told Him I understand that due to whatever, I am going to have this pain and may never get rid of it. But that is not up to me, it is up to Him. (Jacob and Paul are examples of having injuries or illnesses that God would not remove and allowed them to keep as reminders of God being in charge. But if it was not going to be removed I needed the tolerance to be able to live daily as He would have me to. Then I had to rebuke Satan and say out loud, "Satan leave me alone, you are not going to control my life."

So what has this accomplished. First God knows that I want to live for Him, second Satan now knows he does not have power over me unless God allows it. Third, and finally the pain that was so bad is not. Yes, I am hurting but I expect to have some pain but it is not totally keeping me from doing things. Not that I can really do much but I am able to function with limitations. God is in control.

His pain in the back.

I really do not like to complain and am usually pretty good at not when it comes to my back and other health problems. For the past few weeks I have been walking religiously at the mall, just under 3 miles if what I was told is correct. Everything was going really good until this Tuesday. I have no idea what happened but my back is really hurting. I had a very high pain tolerance prior to my stroke but it seems that now everything really bothers me, specially my back.

When I hurt my back at work in March of 2006 it took me 45 minutes before I could even move. The pain was very intense. Well I am almost to that point right now. I get up and try to walk and the pain is a real pain. I am hunched over and my body is twisted. Walking is slow and just not good at all. The pain is close to what it was that day in March when I hurt it.

How does that make me feel? Well, I am pretty upset. It does not stop me from doing things as I will not let it, though I do way too much. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I can not get much sleep as I find it hard to get comfortable. I even started taking over the counter pain meds and I do not like to take any meds. Sometimes I want to just scream and yell. Very frustrating when something effects you in this way.

As I said I am not much of a complainer but I had to vent. Do not think it will relieve the pain but it does feel better to get it out and say something about it. I had an MRI taken two weeks ago and they are comparing it to the MRI taken prior to my surgery. We shall see what happens.

His Birthday.

Now I am not one to actually talk about my birthday because I don't like to "celebrate" that day. It is just one day of 365 other days in a year. It just so happens that years ago I happened to be born on that day.

This year I got several birthday wishes from various people and they were well appreciated. I guess, not so surprising, a few people chose not to send birthday wishes but those things are trivial in my mind. My focus is on how my day went.

As details are not the important thing with my day, the overall feeling is what I want to talk about. The day was used to do as I wanted. I drove around in the rain, examined the clouds, walked at the mall, and watched people at the book store. Sat, ate lunch, then had a few hours to just enjoy being, doing something I had never done before. I was so relaxed and content that it made the day very enjoyable. Afterward, I was able to drive some more and as the clouds broke and the sun started to shine the beauty of the day really came through.

What are my overall feelings? I feel alive, I feel great, I feel that great things are still to come in my life. To be able to spend my birthday as I wanted was fantastic. I lived life on my birthday. I became a day older than I was the day before, not a year older. The celebration for me was me. That is not selfish as everyone needs to be celebrated, to feel good about being alive. My mental state was the best it had been in a long time. Before the day ended I read a few chapters of a book I had gotten earlier in the day, watched my favorite show, ate a very good meal and ended up falling asleep on the couch.

There was no need to celebrate by birthday but the fact that I acknowledged the day as my day and enjoyed it as I wanted made it the best day.