Deception, no wait, Selfishness, What about Integrity, Trust, and Respect.

Deception: the act of making someone believe something that is not true. This is something that has been on my mind for several months now. I have been one to have used deception before and know how it works on a person. What it can do to a person, their integrity, people putting trust in them, and the one that I believe hits the hardest, respect.

There are three primary motivations for deceptions in close relationships.

• Partner-focused motives: using deception to avoid hurting the partner, to help the partner to enhance or maintain his/her self-esteem, to avoid worrying the partner, and to protect the partner's relationship with a third party. Partner-motivated deception can sometimes be viewed as socially polite and relationally beneficial.
• Self-focused motives: using deception to enhance or protect their self-image, wanting to shield themselves from anger, embarrassment, or criticism. Self-focused deception is generally perceived as a more serious transgression than partner-focused deception because the deceiver is acting for selfish reasons rather than for the good of the relationship.
• Relationship-focused motives: using deception to limit relationship harm by avoiding conflict or relational trauma. Relationally motivated deception can be beneficial to a relationship, and other times it can be harmful by further complicating matters. *(Guerrero, L., Anderson, P., Afifi, W. (2007). Close Encounters: Communication in Relationships (2nd ed.). Los Angeles: Sage Publications)

The motivation that I am particularly focused on is the Self-focused motives as given above. Enhancing or protecting their self-image. The deceiver acting for selfish reasons. We do many things to protect our image and we most definitely do this for selfish reasons.

Selfishness is what jumps out at me here, We are all selfish in one form or another, it is a natural part of our flesh. The Word of God speaks against following our own selfish desires as it opens the doors for many terrible sinful actions to manifest in our lives.

*http://christianbiblelife.com/verses/11-humbling-bible-verses-about-selfishness

This has changed from deception to selfishness pretty quick. What does that say? To me it says that when a person uses deception to make themselves look better than who they are in order to protect an image, they have many selfish traits. Now due to our deception, because of our selfishness, we have opened doors for other terrible actions to manifest in us and our lives, as stated above. Is it worth it? 

What ever happened to just being honest and open? I watched and like the movie Clear and Present Danger specially when Jack Ryan is talking to the President concerning the close friend of his that had been murdered. If the president were to be asked if he and Hardin were good friends, he should answer. "We're lifelong friends." Instead of any deception or denial he spoke of the basic truth in the relationship. Maybe a bit overboard but there was no denying of the relationship. this is what I attempt to do now with all my talk. Not necessarily the overstatement but if you are in a situation you need to be straight up. Do not hide anything specially if it is for self preservation. Why? What happens if you are found out, or if someone already knows things you do or have done and they know that you are hiding something?

This takes me back to what I stated at the very beginning. What can it do to a person, their integrity, people putting trust in them, and the one that I believe hits the hardest, respect. If I have lost the respect of someone it is disheartening. It takes so so much to build this back up. We have all in some form done something that caused someone to lose trust in us. How about not allowing this to happen. Truthfulness, honesty and integrity, with no form of deception at all. This is how we want others to be towards us so why can we not be this way towards others. I want others to know that what I say is trustworthy. Not thinking in the back of their mind, is this the truth or, what else are they hiding? So, deception, selfishness, integrity, trust, respect, what is important to you and what is your main focus? Something again that has been on my mind over the past few months.

Public Service with out the Public Knowing.

Today is a very nice day out but somewhat cloudy, Actually completely cloudy but as the ground was not as wet as it has been I decided today was a good day to mow and trim the yard. I know, David it has only been two months since you have had back surgery, fusion surgery at that. Well, that is where this blog has come to start. I have mentioned in several different settings that I have mowed my lawn, 4 times now since my surgery, with the same or similar comment each and every time. What would your doctor say about that!!! Well here is the kicker, my son in law was here for a week and mowed it the first week for me but they had to go back home so, who does that leave to mow the lawn? I have had one person ask if they could have their son come mow it but in my stubbornness or more my personal thoughts, Do not ask if you can do something for someone, volunteer yourself and make it happen. No one has knocked on my door saying I am here to do whatever needs done for you, so as a homeowner, it is my responsibility to take care of my lawn.

This is not one of those, I want someone to come mow my lawn post. It is more about public service and doing things for others. A few years ago I attended a church whose Strategy for Life Change is Love, Grow, Serve, Share. Very good strategy as it encourages LOVE for one another, GROWth as in growing towards God and together with others, SERVE(ing) others without expecting anything in return, and SHARE(ing), as in sharing what God has done and is doing in our lives to allow others to see what He is capable of doing and will do for all of us. This is my interpretation of the strategy anyways. I believe we as humans have a responsibility to look out for others and help out when we can and sometimes even when it is inconvenient. The reasoning for doing what ever we do really has no bearing on our doing, it is just that we need to do whatever we are capable of doing, but not for recognition. If you are looking for recognition or payment then you are not doing it for the right reasons. I have sat in groups where someone needed something done and a parent jumped in and said, "I have a son that could help",  then messed it all up by saying, "he will do it for $20.00". Wow, talk about taking a good learning experience for a young person and turning it into a personal gain. Now my thoughts are, the next Saturday or whatever day you are able, grab your son and say we are going over to so and so house and do some yard work. God has given us an opportunity to serve someone and we are going to take advantage of it. Take him out to lunch or dinner for doing a great service or if you want give him the money yourself, or just let it be a personal satisfaction moment.

A few weeks ago I was talking with a friend that stated one weekend she heard a mower outside close to her house. Walking out and seeing that someone was mowing her lawn. She went out and talked with the person and his statement to her was that he felt God was wanting him to go do something for other people and that it was to mow their lawns. So he grabbed his mower, put it in his truck, and got plenty of gas and went to a mobile home park, He mowed all the lawns that needed mowed and did not do it for any recognition at all. Several years ago I know of a group that got together and went over to one of their members homes and did major yard and home improvement work on the house. Two examples of people stepping out, seeing a need, and just doing what needed to be done. I know public service is still around but I feel that it is not as prevalent as it used to be. Most of the time it has come down do people having to have a reward for anything and everything they do.

Life is about taking what abilities we have and using them to make this world a better place. How we do it and why we do it or even if we do it lies in the person with those abilities. Many choose money and recognition but there are just as many that will go out and do things because of a sense of being there for others. Why do I do the things I do? What do I expect of others and do I even have a right to expect? Here is what it boils down to for me. We all have a conscience that tells us what we should do and why we should do it. When it comes to public service or just a desire to assist others I feel it is most important to do it to make the place we live a better place and give those that need assistance a sense of security knowing others are there for them. You will not hear me telling you what I have done and I do not need to know what you have done. No one needs to know of our ways of making the world a better place, we just need to make sure we do something to contribute.

My 3rd Back Surgery

Time has come to have my 3rd back surgery, my 2nd fusion. I have had L-5/S-1 fused back in 2007 and knowing that the 3 disk above it were already having issues it was inevitable that I would have to have more surgeries. This time they are fusing L-4/L-5 using a procedure called TLIF- Transforaminal Lumbar Interbody Fusion. I had said may years ago that I did not ever want to have any metal in me and with the first fusion being a Facet Fusion they used cadaver bone to do the fusion. Well, with this there will be rods and pins used so so much for the NO METAL comment. With all the changes and improvements to back surgery I do feel so much better about this type of fusion. I have a great doctor, at least up till now he has a very good reputation and I have the utmost confidence in his abilities.

I would not be having this if it were not for the nerve issues that is being caused by the decompression of my disc. The issues are making it difficult to have full use of my left leg. Limited movement and of course the pain issues. My doctor has been upfront with me from the beginning letting me know that with the issues I have with my back I will never be pain free. This surgery is not really to help with the pain, though it will possible help some of it, but to allow me more freedom of use for my leg. I am good with this.

My lil sis Lisa is here to help me during this first week and I am so glad she is here. Though Lisa is not blood relative she is probably one of my best of friends. She is more than just a friend and better than family if that makes any sense. Really does not matter if it does to anyone but me anyways cause I am just so happy to have her in my life. I do not know what I would do without having her and Todd, her husband, be there through all the many things that have been going on in my life and I know that they feel the same way with all that they have had in theirs as well. Seems as if God knows who to put in your life and when to put them there.

Anyway, I guess I should get me some sleep as 5:45 am gets here pretty quick when it is already 1:00 am. Life is good, God is good, and no matter what troubles and trials you happen to go through there is always a meaning for them and in the end it will turn out as God wills it for us.

Bruce Jenner wants another Gold Medal

Transgender.. being a female in a male body, or male in a female body. Really!!!! Bruce says, if I have heard correctly, that he has had feelings that relate more to a female and over his lifetime this has caused him to question his inner body and wants to make the correction by now living as a woman. Wow... 

What do I believe? Really it makes no difference other than to myself but I like to express my thoughts through my writings. I believe that we all, both male and female have developed ourselves by the influences in our life. We learn and mimic and eventually take over the actions and make them our own. This is natural if you ask me. Now with Mr Jenner I would say that he may have taken the feelings he had and held them in for many a time.. I mean, really, The guy won a gold medal in the 1976 Olympics in the Decathalon. He was a mans man for goodness sake. Ok, as I do not know all about his childhood maybe he took whatever feelings he was having back then and used them to become the athlete he was. You bottle things up, hold them in, and in his determination to be exactly opposite of what he was feeling, became a world class decathlete. Then fast forward to where no one really knows who and what you are. Living among many strong women who are making a name for themselves and back come those feminine thoughts that for so long he had to keep inside. Now it is time for him to take the forefront, start running that decathalon so to speak, and gain that Gold Medal he so desires again.

Now I believe we all at times show feelings that have been contributed towards one gender or another. Men have so called feminine feelings and women have masculine feelings. Lets correct this right off. Men and women have feelings. PERIOD. To categorize feelings and place them to a gender is just wrong. It is also unfair to everyone to justify the categorization of these feelings. Is it right to call a male, young or old, that expresses his "feminine" feelings a sissy? Or when a woman shows that strong masculine side do we call her macho man? NO!!! This is all part of bullying isn't it. Lets take this a step further. To allow the categorization of feelings now, makes us look at many others and say that they should have been a man, or would have made a great woman. Isn't this against what women have been fighting for in wanting to be equal with men since the beginning of the women's liberation era. If a woman has the desire and imagination as well as feelings that she can do all that a man can do in whatever field they excell in do they have to become and live as a man to do it. HELL NO!!!!! As a woman they can do anything and everything that they have been born with, as a woman. The same goes for men too. To say you were born in the wrong body is in my opinion, an insult to mankind. I could find arguments to it in both Biblical and evolutionary thinking, but I am choosing to stay away from that.

Needing to wrap this up I need to dedicate this paragraph to Bruce Jenner.. You can call yourself Caitlyn all you want but you will always be a man, no matter what you do. Somewhere down the line you were told to not have certain feelings because they are attributed to the feminine gender. Yes, you had certain feelings but they were your feelings. Human feelings. Attention is what you have desired because you have become an afterthought. You are now going to get your 2nd Gold Medal. Some courageous person you are to get the Arthur Ashe Courage Award. I know it does not matter to you because you are all about yourself but look at those that deserve this award more than you. Your insecurities and selfishness has put you on top of the sports world. OH MY GOD!!!!! The sports world has gone insane. Guess what is going to happen at the ESPY's, You are going to be up on that podium and people are going to be cheering and standing and hollering your name. The limelight is going to be shining on you so brightly. I wont be watching it though. You, to me, are a disgrace to humankind because you have turned on who you actually are and who you were born to be. Those are things you can not change but you have chosen to try to do so and you are being rewarded for doing it. Congratulations.

Already 3 months into 2015

Has it been that long since I blogged.. Yep. August of last year since my last one. Oh, well, that is how it goes with blogging and where I put my priorities.

Actually saw that a friend (Facebook) was thinking about blogging and led me to check out mine. This one is not going to be long but just need to let a few things get down on print.

Today is the 6th anniversary of the passing of my Dad. I am not sad or anything just thinking about the things he and I did. Playing catch, shooting baskets, small talk, the dinners he took me out on game days in HS. How I could always count on he and my mom always being there to watch me play basketball and baseball.

The time I found out that he was a member of a State Championship HS Basketball team in Nevada. Getting to go out when they honored the team on the 50th anniversary of the event. How driving from Las Vegas to his HS town I learned more about him in that 6 hours than I had in the previous 28 years of my life.

Then getting to learn how much fun it was to go cruising on those big cruise ships with him. Seeing how much fun he tried to have the older he got. Then being able to spend 15 months with him prior to his passing. Taking care of those special needs that no one should have to do but when you would only want someone close to you to be able to help you with. Yep! I miss my Dad but I am not sad, just reminiscing.

On to something else. Tonight I allowed myself to feel my pain. I HATE IT!!!!!! Tried falling asleep and all I could do was feel the pain. It still hurts 3 hours later, (now), but I am starting to get tired enough that maybe I can fall asleep. We shall see after I get done writing this. Next week I move on to a stronger pain medicine. Had to get off the Norco (Hydrocodone) due to the acetaminophen that we believe is messing with my liver enzymes. I sure do hope that it helps. I do have a very high pain tolerance but for some reason it is getting less and less. Maybe it is that I am getting older or just becoming a whimp.. lol. Who knows but I am ready for some relief. 

I have started to work out to strengthen my core muscles. Treadmill, elliptical, and two weight machines. I get sore from that but that is not a bad pain like the other. I can deal with the work out. Two weeks in to it and maybe this is just my body fighting my workouts. I sure do hope so.