Now these are as close as I can recall to actual comments made but do not hold me to the complete accuracy but they are very very similar. I would say that most of us have heard similar in many relationships we have been involved in. The question I want to raise is, When are the things people say not BS? Eventually we find out that the person was maybe relaxed and comfortable to a point. In actuality the never been able is more like, it has been such a long time since anyone has ever listened to me. Then to cover the last one I would have to say, good grief I wish I really did not know them so well.
To clarify these are examples of statements I have heard and/or said, but we know all too well, these and similar statements are said many many times in various relationships. We one day look back at a failed relationship and say to ourselves, "How much of what was said was BS during the whole relationship." It all goes back to what is the reality of it all. Are these statements said to gain trust and comfort levels? My personal feeling is at the time they are said there is some reality to it but once a persons true identity is revealed either to themselves or to the person it is said to, the statement becomes less reality but more of a fantasy. Motivation behind what is or was said becomes a major factor. When the person realizes they need more than they are getting from a person, then those statements, accurate to a point, are less important to the relationship.
To keep this on the short side let me use this example. You are in a relationship that has been one of the best you have felt in a long time. There was conversation, sharing, enjoyment, and all that you could ask for in a relationship. Then all of the sudden it collapses. You hear all the justification behind why it was not right but the full truth is not there. Glimpses of truth are shared because they are unable to allow the complete truth be seen because it would cast a shadow over them. Why? Because of the impression they are trying to portray of themselves to others. If a person is not consistent in and with every aspect of there life then they will tend to hide more and more. Eventually you will be hiding things from everyone but inside you become frustrated because you are having a difficult time remembering exactly who and what you are. You know what you want and soon your wants outweigh the who you are and you end up messing many parts of your life up. Selfishness is usually the winner in this type of living. Getting all you think you need becomes the most important and having the things that are comforting are given away or forfeited.
I know this is not true in each and every relationship but I have learned that selfishness in any type of relationship is not good at all. Where I am now is in a very positive place. Most things are going very well but there are still the usual frustrations that come along. What I believe to be important though is to make sure of where I am and who I am, to let go of my self needs, and concentrate on being who I am capable of being to the others that are in my life. If I say something I need to really mean it. Yes, there are comparable times to what I am experiencing now but I would have to say that with most of my relationships that are the most meaningful I am truly relaxed, comfortable, able to share and be understood, and finally am having someone truly know me for who I really am.
