Deception, no wait, Selfishness, What about Integrity, Trust, and Respect.

Deception: the act of making someone believe something that is not true. This is something that has been on my mind for several months now. I have been one to have used deception before and know how it works on a person. What it can do to a person, their integrity, people putting trust in them, and the one that I believe hits the hardest, respect.

There are three primary motivations for deceptions in close relationships.

• Partner-focused motives: using deception to avoid hurting the partner, to help the partner to enhance or maintain his/her self-esteem, to avoid worrying the partner, and to protect the partner's relationship with a third party. Partner-motivated deception can sometimes be viewed as socially polite and relationally beneficial.
• Self-focused motives: using deception to enhance or protect their self-image, wanting to shield themselves from anger, embarrassment, or criticism. Self-focused deception is generally perceived as a more serious transgression than partner-focused deception because the deceiver is acting for selfish reasons rather than for the good of the relationship.
• Relationship-focused motives: using deception to limit relationship harm by avoiding conflict or relational trauma. Relationally motivated deception can be beneficial to a relationship, and other times it can be harmful by further complicating matters. *(Guerrero, L., Anderson, P., Afifi, W. (2007). Close Encounters: Communication in Relationships (2nd ed.). Los Angeles: Sage Publications)

The motivation that I am particularly focused on is the Self-focused motives as given above. Enhancing or protecting their self-image. The deceiver acting for selfish reasons. We do many things to protect our image and we most definitely do this for selfish reasons.

Selfishness is what jumps out at me here, We are all selfish in one form or another, it is a natural part of our flesh. The Word of God speaks against following our own selfish desires as it opens the doors for many terrible sinful actions to manifest in our lives.

*http://christianbiblelife.com/verses/11-humbling-bible-verses-about-selfishness

This has changed from deception to selfishness pretty quick. What does that say? To me it says that when a person uses deception to make themselves look better than who they are in order to protect an image, they have many selfish traits. Now due to our deception, because of our selfishness, we have opened doors for other terrible actions to manifest in us and our lives, as stated above. Is it worth it? 

What ever happened to just being honest and open? I watched and like the movie Clear and Present Danger specially when Jack Ryan is talking to the President concerning the close friend of his that had been murdered. If the president were to be asked if he and Hardin were good friends, he should answer. "We're lifelong friends." Instead of any deception or denial he spoke of the basic truth in the relationship. Maybe a bit overboard but there was no denying of the relationship. this is what I attempt to do now with all my talk. Not necessarily the overstatement but if you are in a situation you need to be straight up. Do not hide anything specially if it is for self preservation. Why? What happens if you are found out, or if someone already knows things you do or have done and they know that you are hiding something?

This takes me back to what I stated at the very beginning. What can it do to a person, their integrity, people putting trust in them, and the one that I believe hits the hardest, respect. If I have lost the respect of someone it is disheartening. It takes so so much to build this back up. We have all in some form done something that caused someone to lose trust in us. How about not allowing this to happen. Truthfulness, honesty and integrity, with no form of deception at all. This is how we want others to be towards us so why can we not be this way towards others. I want others to know that what I say is trustworthy. Not thinking in the back of their mind, is this the truth or, what else are they hiding? So, deception, selfishness, integrity, trust, respect, what is important to you and what is your main focus? Something again that has been on my mind over the past few months.

Public Service with out the Public Knowing.

Today is a very nice day out but somewhat cloudy, Actually completely cloudy but as the ground was not as wet as it has been I decided today was a good day to mow and trim the yard. I know, David it has only been two months since you have had back surgery, fusion surgery at that. Well, that is where this blog has come to start. I have mentioned in several different settings that I have mowed my lawn, 4 times now since my surgery, with the same or similar comment each and every time. What would your doctor say about that!!! Well here is the kicker, my son in law was here for a week and mowed it the first week for me but they had to go back home so, who does that leave to mow the lawn? I have had one person ask if they could have their son come mow it but in my stubbornness or more my personal thoughts, Do not ask if you can do something for someone, volunteer yourself and make it happen. No one has knocked on my door saying I am here to do whatever needs done for you, so as a homeowner, it is my responsibility to take care of my lawn.

This is not one of those, I want someone to come mow my lawn post. It is more about public service and doing things for others. A few years ago I attended a church whose Strategy for Life Change is Love, Grow, Serve, Share. Very good strategy as it encourages LOVE for one another, GROWth as in growing towards God and together with others, SERVE(ing) others without expecting anything in return, and SHARE(ing), as in sharing what God has done and is doing in our lives to allow others to see what He is capable of doing and will do for all of us. This is my interpretation of the strategy anyways. I believe we as humans have a responsibility to look out for others and help out when we can and sometimes even when it is inconvenient. The reasoning for doing what ever we do really has no bearing on our doing, it is just that we need to do whatever we are capable of doing, but not for recognition. If you are looking for recognition or payment then you are not doing it for the right reasons. I have sat in groups where someone needed something done and a parent jumped in and said, "I have a son that could help",  then messed it all up by saying, "he will do it for $20.00". Wow, talk about taking a good learning experience for a young person and turning it into a personal gain. Now my thoughts are, the next Saturday or whatever day you are able, grab your son and say we are going over to so and so house and do some yard work. God has given us an opportunity to serve someone and we are going to take advantage of it. Take him out to lunch or dinner for doing a great service or if you want give him the money yourself, or just let it be a personal satisfaction moment.

A few weeks ago I was talking with a friend that stated one weekend she heard a mower outside close to her house. Walking out and seeing that someone was mowing her lawn. She went out and talked with the person and his statement to her was that he felt God was wanting him to go do something for other people and that it was to mow their lawns. So he grabbed his mower, put it in his truck, and got plenty of gas and went to a mobile home park, He mowed all the lawns that needed mowed and did not do it for any recognition at all. Several years ago I know of a group that got together and went over to one of their members homes and did major yard and home improvement work on the house. Two examples of people stepping out, seeing a need, and just doing what needed to be done. I know public service is still around but I feel that it is not as prevalent as it used to be. Most of the time it has come down do people having to have a reward for anything and everything they do.

Life is about taking what abilities we have and using them to make this world a better place. How we do it and why we do it or even if we do it lies in the person with those abilities. Many choose money and recognition but there are just as many that will go out and do things because of a sense of being there for others. Why do I do the things I do? What do I expect of others and do I even have a right to expect? Here is what it boils down to for me. We all have a conscience that tells us what we should do and why we should do it. When it comes to public service or just a desire to assist others I feel it is most important to do it to make the place we live a better place and give those that need assistance a sense of security knowing others are there for them. You will not hear me telling you what I have done and I do not need to know what you have done. No one needs to know of our ways of making the world a better place, we just need to make sure we do something to contribute.