A few things that are on my mind.

I really do not know how to talk about what is on my mind. It is not easy to allow your thoughts to be put out for whoever to read. What I want to say and what will actually come out may not be the same either. It is hard to express your thoughts and feelings at times. So I will make mention of a few and let it go at that for now.

Health is the first that jumps out at me. I have always been in pretty good health though I have had lots of problems. Lets look at the surgeries that I have had starting with the earliest I can remember to the latest. Hernia, tonsils, knee, knee again, appendix, back, other knee, gall bladder, and finally another back surgery. Then there are the times I have been ill. When younger I spent a few times in the hospital for various things ranging from a temperature that was above normal to some very minor things as well. I got strep throat a lot that led to the tonsils being removed. For many years I would always get sick around Thanksgiving and would stay sick for about two weeks. This happened every year for over ten years from the age of 16 to 26 when I had my appendix removed the weekend before Thanksgiving. Now I have had this minor stroke, if you can call a stroke minor. I guess so since the only real after effect is the loss of my peripheral vision, though it should improve some if not completely return to normal. It is so strange to feel that overall I have been healthy yet have had so many problems as well.

Next on my mind is Family. Why is it that Family can be such a troubling item? Everyone seems to have different agendas and they are often in conflict. Differences in opinions and ideals seem to conflict and often cause heartaches. What is learned from one parent is not the same as the other. Or different ideas are concluded as seen through different eyes when looking at the same instance. Then when bringing them together the conflicts arise to points that make things so difficult. Priorities are so different. Generations look at things so much differently that you hardly would believe that the people come from the same family. Then there are other families that do not seem to have any problems at all with this.

Lastly, for now, is my life. What has brought me to where I am now and what changes have I made or do I still need to make to get me to the best future I can possibly have? My past has been so chaotic and did not follow the pattern that I thought it would. Why is that? That has been on my mind quite a bit lately. I feel like the prodigal son at times. I know that there was a time I left what I believed in, or the path I was following and went searching. When I was 18 I lost a close motherly figure and it changed me. I turned on my own mother to some extent. I let relationships fall to the wayside. I felt I could do what I wanted and all would be OK. Decisions were not thought out clearly and I made choices that made my life very difficult. It has been thirty years since then and maybe now I am returning back to what I left behind. What do I mean by that? Good question, but I want to think that I am being allowed to look at what happened to me, and the direction I took, and in some way correct it. This is hard to really explain but in time should clarify itself to the point I can explain it.

Health, family, life, these are heavy thoughts in any ones mind. Though they are most often at the top of every ones at one time or another. We can not and do not control any of these. Believing in God and knowing that He allows everything to happen for one reason or another is comforting, yet heartbreaking also. Realizing that something good will come of the hard times is hard to comprehend. Why? Good thing Jesus, even though He had His moment of struggle, allowed the hard time of being persecuted and placed on a cross for us to happen so that we could have eternal life. No, I am not preaching, just stating my belief. It gives me a hope to have faith to know that I do have a future that is promising or can be if I get to where I need to be. Am I at the right place and time at this moment? Only time will answer this question but I am going to make sure that I do not close any doors. I am not in control and the only thing I can do is follow the lead of where my Faith and Beliefs take me. I am looking forward to finding out what is ahead and trust my past will enhance this future of mine. This includes the future of my health, my family and my life.

The changing of Family priorities

I started blogging almost two years ago and over this past summer I stopped. A very good friend of mine suggested I start again to keep my mind busy while I am not able to work. Often I am able to come up with ideas that just seem to pop into my head, due mostly to current events, but also from conversations with others. Anyways, I sent out a mass email to the 20 or so contacts in my email address account, (I know, not too many contacts there David), telling them about my blog. I received a reply from a cousin of mine and in it I thought about how out of touch we get with family once we get older.

Do you recall when you were younger and you would go visit your parents family, Grand Parents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins? You always looked forward to that week or two vacation during the summer or Christmas when you got together and did whatever you did. It was always a fun time for me and I will always remember those times. We would travel from Amarillo, TX to Frederick, OK or to Oklahoma City, OK and visit with all the family that could make it in. Aunts and Uncles would come in from Nebraska or Tennessee, others would come from where ever they were living and you got together and did the family things. I know we all remember those times and often we think back to those times wondering where they went. You often think, why did it stop? What was the change and where are those relationships now. For some people those relationships have continued but are they as strong as they were back then?

My answer to those questions are really pretty simple. We grow up and transfer what we did as a child on to the next generation. Instead of us being the kids, we are now the Aunts and Uncles. This lasts for a while as our parents are now the Grand Parents and the family comes to visit them. Instead of playing and running around, doing the things you did as a child you are now one of the adults. You sit and talk about work, your plans for the future, your hopes for your children. The secret discussions you have with only certain members of the family concerning what we are going to do when this happens or when that happens. This continues until your children start to become young adults. At that time you may go to a wedding here or a wedding there, but you see those early family members less and less, to where you may never see them again. Often times the only way you get together with them is at a funeral.

Finally, you are now at the point when you are the Grand Parent. You look in the mirror and you are not that young kid playing with your cousins. Thankfully I am still young enough to be in the second category, but now that I have grand kids I am slowly moving away from that. With both my parents having passed on there will not be those times when you take the kids to see Grandpa or Grandma. You won't be visiting as much with your brothers or sisters and their kids.


Priorities change with the passing of time. Life moves on whether we are ready for it or not. Take the time to leave a note, email, or phone call to someone in your family from your past. Though they are not a constant in your life they were at one time. Our family is our heritage and once we lose part of our family a small part of us goes with them. Do this not only with family but friends you have had over the years. You never know what it will do for you or for them.