I really do not know how to talk about what is on my mind. It is not easy to allow your thoughts to be put out for whoever to read. What I want to say and what will actually come out may not be the same either. It is hard to express your thoughts and feelings at times. So I will make mention of a few and let it go at that for now.
Health is the first that jumps out at me. I have always been in pretty good health though I have had lots of problems. Lets look at the surgeries that I have had starting with the earliest I can remember to the latest. Hernia, tonsils, knee, knee again, appendix, back, other knee, gall bladder, and finally another back surgery. Then there are the times I have been ill. When younger I spent a few times in the hospital for various things ranging from a temperature that was above normal to some very minor things as well. I got strep throat a lot that led to the tonsils being removed. For many years I would always get sick around Thanksgiving and would stay sick for about two weeks. This happened every year for over ten years from the age of 16 to 26 when I had my appendix removed the weekend before Thanksgiving. Now I have had this minor stroke, if you can call a stroke minor. I guess so since the only real after effect is the loss of my peripheral vision, though it should improve some if not completely return to normal. It is so strange to feel that overall I have been healthy yet have had so many problems as well.
Next on my mind is Family. Why is it that Family can be such a troubling item? Everyone seems to have different agendas and they are often in conflict. Differences in opinions and ideals seem to conflict and often cause heartaches. What is learned from one parent is not the same as the other. Or different ideas are concluded as seen through different eyes when looking at the same instance. Then when bringing them together the conflicts arise to points that make things so difficult. Priorities are so different. Generations look at things so much differently that you hardly would believe that the people come from the same family. Then there are other families that do not seem to have any problems at all with this.
Lastly, for now, is my life. What has brought me to where I am now and what changes have I made or do I still need to make to get me to the best future I can possibly have? My past has been so chaotic and did not follow the pattern that I thought it would. Why is that? That has been on my mind quite a bit lately. I feel like the prodigal son at times. I know that there was a time I left what I believed in, or the path I was following and went searching. When I was 18 I lost a close motherly figure and it changed me. I turned on my own mother to some extent. I let relationships fall to the wayside. I felt I could do what I wanted and all would be OK. Decisions were not thought out clearly and I made choices that made my life very difficult. It has been thirty years since then and maybe now I am returning back to what I left behind. What do I mean by that? Good question, but I want to think that I am being allowed to look at what happened to me, and the direction I took, and in some way correct it. This is hard to really explain but in time should clarify itself to the point I can explain it.
Health, family, life, these are heavy thoughts in any ones mind. Though they are most often at the top of every ones at one time or another. We can not and do not control any of these. Believing in God and knowing that He allows everything to happen for one reason or another is comforting, yet heartbreaking also. Realizing that something good will come of the hard times is hard to comprehend. Why? Good thing Jesus, even though He had His moment of struggle, allowed the hard time of being persecuted and placed on a cross for us to happen so that we could have eternal life. No, I am not preaching, just stating my belief. It gives me a hope to have faith to know that I do have a future that is promising or can be if I get to where I need to be. Am I at the right place and time at this moment? Only time will answer this question but I am going to make sure that I do not close any doors. I am not in control and the only thing I can do is follow the lead of where my Faith and Beliefs take me. I am looking forward to finding out what is ahead and trust my past will enhance this future of mine. This includes the future of my health, my family and my life.
Health is the first that jumps out at me. I have always been in pretty good health though I have had lots of problems. Lets look at the surgeries that I have had starting with the earliest I can remember to the latest. Hernia, tonsils, knee, knee again, appendix, back, other knee, gall bladder, and finally another back surgery. Then there are the times I have been ill. When younger I spent a few times in the hospital for various things ranging from a temperature that was above normal to some very minor things as well. I got strep throat a lot that led to the tonsils being removed. For many years I would always get sick around Thanksgiving and would stay sick for about two weeks. This happened every year for over ten years from the age of 16 to 26 when I had my appendix removed the weekend before Thanksgiving. Now I have had this minor stroke, if you can call a stroke minor. I guess so since the only real after effect is the loss of my peripheral vision, though it should improve some if not completely return to normal. It is so strange to feel that overall I have been healthy yet have had so many problems as well.
Next on my mind is Family. Why is it that Family can be such a troubling item? Everyone seems to have different agendas and they are often in conflict. Differences in opinions and ideals seem to conflict and often cause heartaches. What is learned from one parent is not the same as the other. Or different ideas are concluded as seen through different eyes when looking at the same instance. Then when bringing them together the conflicts arise to points that make things so difficult. Priorities are so different. Generations look at things so much differently that you hardly would believe that the people come from the same family. Then there are other families that do not seem to have any problems at all with this.
Lastly, for now, is my life. What has brought me to where I am now and what changes have I made or do I still need to make to get me to the best future I can possibly have? My past has been so chaotic and did not follow the pattern that I thought it would. Why is that? That has been on my mind quite a bit lately. I feel like the prodigal son at times. I know that there was a time I left what I believed in, or the path I was following and went searching. When I was 18 I lost a close motherly figure and it changed me. I turned on my own mother to some extent. I let relationships fall to the wayside. I felt I could do what I wanted and all would be OK. Decisions were not thought out clearly and I made choices that made my life very difficult. It has been thirty years since then and maybe now I am returning back to what I left behind. What do I mean by that? Good question, but I want to think that I am being allowed to look at what happened to me, and the direction I took, and in some way correct it. This is hard to really explain but in time should clarify itself to the point I can explain it.
Health, family, life, these are heavy thoughts in any ones mind. Though they are most often at the top of every ones at one time or another. We can not and do not control any of these. Believing in God and knowing that He allows everything to happen for one reason or another is comforting, yet heartbreaking also. Realizing that something good will come of the hard times is hard to comprehend. Why? Good thing Jesus, even though He had His moment of struggle, allowed the hard time of being persecuted and placed on a cross for us to happen so that we could have eternal life. No, I am not preaching, just stating my belief. It gives me a hope to have faith to know that I do have a future that is promising or can be if I get to where I need to be. Am I at the right place and time at this moment? Only time will answer this question but I am going to make sure that I do not close any doors. I am not in control and the only thing I can do is follow the lead of where my Faith and Beliefs take me. I am looking forward to finding out what is ahead and trust my past will enhance this future of mine. This includes the future of my health, my family and my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment