What type of Church Member are YOU?

Since I am on churches I feel that it is important to look at the MEMBER of a church. After all it is the members of the church that make or break the church. From my experiences these are the most common types of members. The older more mature grandmother and grandfather types, the mature sit and complain about everything ones, the mid aged go get ems as well as the mid age sit and watch what goes on type. Your choir members who can maybe sing, with the ones that believe they are the all get out best singer in the world (when they are not), and the ones who can really sing but do not want to bring attention to themselves or are not utilized by the director because they are not part of the "in" group. To go with the musically inclined you have the few talented piano and organ players with a few drummers and guitar players who add to the service. Now add to this the disappearing young adult and young marrieds, who want to be part of a church but do not really fit in due to various reasons along with the teens that are usually attending because Mom and or Dad are 'making' them go. All the younger ones are the future church or are supposed to be and really do not make up a type that has a large influence other than they are there and show at least a growth part of a church.

I could go over each and every one of the types mentioned but it is not the important part of what I want to cover. Any and all of these can be an integral ingredient or a negative subsidy of any church. I myself am more of a sit and watcher. If something interested me I would try to be part of it, such as weekly Bible Study or men's programs, but I have no interest in being part of the choir. My sitting and watching would consist of seeing all these other types work the pews. The grandparent types would seek out the 'kids' they love dearly and chat away with them. Also they would seek out new people and welcome them all the while observing the visitors to see if they are a fit. You have the ones that are younger who, for various reasons, seek and destroy the newbies. I add destroy because trust me, visitors know if you are sincere in your greeting. Are you doing it because the pastor said you need to go and shake hands and greet all.. be the friendly church.. or are you sincere with your greeting and really are excited to see new people arrive. There are those greeters that are more out to see if you are competition, why I do not know but, that is what they are doing. Of course you have your men at the church door, those greeters welcoming all who enter the hallowed gates of the church, also known as the ushers. The Sunday School/Bible Study teachers are seeking new class members, the teens are looking for friends, or possible the new boyfriend girlfriend prospect, or in other words the competition. The young adults and young marrieds.. oh yes, they are disappearing.

This pretty much is my opinion of the different types and I know it is not all inclusive but there is some accuracy to it. What I would like to cover now is where do you take your friendships and relationships in your church? Once you find a connection do you embrace it and build upon it or do you leave it at the church. I guess what I am asking is are you a cultivator with others that believe as you do? Do your relations go beyond the church doors such as family dinners or outings? Are they all inclusive or are you hesitant to build on anything outside of church for various reasons. I recall several families from my younger years where we had lots of encounters outside of church. We had strong relationships that started at church and continued outside the church. We were never afraid to be who we were all the time because we were not trying to 'impress' anyone. Relationships were cultivated and became pretty strong friendships. I have had a few discussions and with those I have discussed we are not seeing this happen as much anymore unless you are related or have been part of a church for a long long time.

So what type of Church Member are YOU? Is your church growing and thriving or is it stuck in the mud, in a rut, or should I dare say, right where you want it to be? Traditional or Conventional church is does not matter. None of these are really incorrect because people are people and we are all different. It takes all kinds to be part of any group. Growth to me, in a positive manner, would be my way of gauging as to the best way for any group to be. Productive and positive without being isolating even though we all need our personal time and space. 

What is wrong with Traditional Churches?

I have had this on my mind for a while but was not sure how to start it or even say what I want but I want you to know this is from MY experiences and that is what MY blog is all about. I do use information taken from others but try my best to use my personal experiences to form opinions from very interpretive situations. So with that being said.

What the heck is going on in Traditional Churches? By Traditional I mean the churches we Baby Boomers grew up in and actually developed. Ones where a few people or families got together and decided they needed a small community church where we could follow God's leading and grow together. Heaven and Hell were preached, The Ten Commandments were the Law, teens had their get together time several times a week and not just on Sunday nights. The kiddos had their Saturday picnics and the elderly or more mature women got together to fellowship, and yes gossip as well. The men of the church had monthly work days at the church. Vacation Bible School was a BIG deal with buses borrowed from other churches to ship in all the kids. Not only did we learn the Bible but we learned how to build podiums for the Sunday School classrooms. As a teen our week of VBS ended with a trip down a river in a canoe or some other exciting thing. These are the things I recall from my early years in a Traditional Church.

Now what is it I am seeing and experiencing? Every now and then you hear Heaven and Hell preached but you have to back off on Hell. That offends too many. After all why would God send people to Hell. He is all loving and caring. Sorry folks. God did not intend Hell for us. But He gave us a choice between following Christ or not. Our choosing not to follow Christ is what sends people to Hell, NOT God. What about the Ten Commandments.. Oh they are still top dog but then you have the NEW Testament teachings and so many other STANDARDS are added that we MUST live by to be productive Christians. More on this later. Vacation Bible School, Teens, and kiddos, and lest we forget the forgotten in many churches. College and Career is what it was known as back in the day. Those that have graduated from high school and either left for college or are entering the work force, and yes, some are living in Mom and Dads basement. Traditional Churches, again, this is from MY POINT OF VIEW, do a pretty decent job of reaching out to the pre-school aged and elementary kids because after all, they need to bring in those younger families with the kids to help build the church, But when you do not have a nursery capable of doing a decent job you lose an important group of people. I mean we have young millennial families that feel that they can not leave their infants with anyone else. What is it.. the helicopter parents. They can not concentrate on a church service because they have to know everything that is going on with the little ones. So they bring them into the main service to disrupt it so NO ONE can concentrate on the service. Therefore they feel uncomfortable going to church and STOP going. By the time they are sorta comfortable with going back the kiddos do not want to go. Teens, what do we say about the teens. You have to have things going on 24/7 almost to keep them in church. Friday Night Lights, Super Sundays, what ever other gimmick you can find to keep them involved. If they are bored at church they will not come. If church were a video game maybe you could get them to show up and become involved. But it would have to be an exciting one.

Okay. Back to the 'Standards'. This is the one that probably irritates me more than anything. Yes, we have to have some sort of standards but this has turned into an issue. Jesus spoke harshly with the Pharisees coming up with all the "extra" laws they made in order for a person to be accepted. Well, from where I sit now many church leaders are coming up with all these 'standards' that must be followed for people to become accepted and part of our little church society. This is where I come up with my "Star Trek TNG" Borg assessment of Traditional Churches. According to http://www.startrek-voyager.info/j.html, “Their main goal is to find perfection by assimilating more species and technology but they only assimilate what they think is relevant biological or technological traits. The Borg are un-emotional but efficient and can only grow in numbers by assimilation.” Doesn't this describe the Traditional Local Churches of today. Conform or get out basically. I had an issue recently with the choir director and his wife hiding the fact that they consume alcohol. Really I thought when I found out that wow, good for them, able to drink and still work in the church. Then I found out that they only let certain people know this and those that know it are sworn to secrecy. Wait a minute. Sworn to secrecy. After all they have an image to uphold and if certain people found out then all is lost. What happened to not doing something if it were to offend? This has changed into hide it as long as you can and if anyone attempts to let it out then guess what we will do. Yes, I know there are many secrets among church people but deliberately hiding it and making others keep your secret or deal with the consequences. YES, there are consequences,  specially when the pastor depends on you and will do anything to protect you. So, lets bring out that I do not wear a suit to church. I must not honor God because I wear jeans. After all you have a suit and look decent in one so therefore you should wear one to church. I guess I am saying this because the focus has changed, It is about making others follow the churches ideals and standards instead of following Jesus example. They twist things that seem to be Christ like yet are really Churchy. Jesus fellowship was with all people including 'sinners'. Local traditional churches insist that you stay away from the 'sinners' because these 'sinners' will turn you before you can lead them to Him.. UH, NO. we need to be an example to everyone, living an honest, non deceptive life, showing the 'sinners' what it is like to be alive and able to serve God at the same time.

To answer my title question of What is wrong with the Traditional Churches? I am not sure if I can. But in short I feel that these Traditional Churches have lost sight of what Jesus was really all about. Love, acceptance, being an example, not forcing your ways but allowing others to see you live the life HONESTLY so that others will want what you have. This is why the local Traditional Church is slipping away into nothing. Conventional Churches, though imperfect, as we all are anyways, are taking the lead and the Traditional Churches are not adapting to society. Notice I said adapting to because I feel that it is necessary to adapt to the changes in the world if you want to reach the world. After all that is what Jesus did. He adapted to what was going on around Him. Reached out to others and embraced them, showing them what it was like to be HIM. He did not force a set of standards on them, He lived His life, a non deceptive, truthful life, and was the ultimate example of what it is to be a Christian.

A Pain in the Neck

Had an MRI of my cervical spine due to some issues I have been having to my left finger and thumb. Also as a symptom a tingling up my arm to my to just past my elbow, then the constant pain to my left shoulder blade and some to my neck. With the way they do MRI and CT scans and almost any sort of X-Rays now a day you are able to, if not read the results, you can most certainly get a glimpse of what it is showing. Then all you do is type a search and there you have it, instant information. Severe spinal cord compression is what I have come up with and of course there are several options to help with the pain. These include upping the medicines I already take, physical therapy, steroid injections, and of course surgery. The final decision will be made after talking to my surgeon but between now and then I get to play the full guessing game.

As I was looking through all the myriad of information there are always other things that pop up and make you wonder. Myfirst  thought looking at my MRI was why is there a gap from C2/C3 to C4/C5. There is not much of a bulge at C3/C4 compared to the other two. Why is that? I do not know!!! You would think if I injured it that they would be adjacent.

As any normal, I guess normal person would do, you keep searching the internet for answers. Pretty much I have not found a good answer for that but I am sure it is there somewhere. The biggest issue I have found is the times that tumor show up when discussing spinal stenosis. Now I have done comparison glances at the tumors and do I believe that is one of the issues I have. NO!!! Just saying that this is one of the things that pops up when searching the internet. I believe that it is best to not guess or self diagnose because all it does is create a higher anxiety level to which I really do not need. What I have is a pain in the neck, well actually, as stated above, it all started with a numbness to my index finger, moved to my thumb and middle finger also. Then the pain in the shoulder blade and somewhat to my neck area. The tingling and numbness enveloping my hand up to my elbow was what gave me the greatest concern. Instead of fretting and worrying about what could be or may be I am writing it in this blog. It allows me to share my concerns and hopefully will keep me from obsessing prior to my doctor visit in the next day. Maybe by doing this I will not become someone else Pain in the Neck.

Care-giving and the impact it has on the caregiver.

I have written on this subject before but feel that I need to go over it again. If not for me, for some who have been caregivers and have ended up on the short side of a family dispute. Taking care of a parent is a responsibility that falls on a child at one time or another. It can be rewarding and also can be a pure pain in the ass. I was this for 15 months with my father and to be able to spend some great moments with him were priceless, but at the same time, to see him decline, was heart wrenching. Would I do it over again? YES!!!! but only with a parent.

Now to the DARK side of care-giving. Siblings. If you have been a caregiver and you have siblings you know all too well what I am talking about. My oldest sister, that lived 1000 miles away was my protector. Not sure if she knows that or not but if she reads this I hope she knows how much I appreciate that she attempted to be there for me, if not in person, in several long phone conversations. She even took a few weeks out of her busy life to come give me a break. When it came time to make the choice to leave, (in my mind I hurt even now thinking on this) I felt as though I were abandoning my Dad, but knew it was necessary to get him the care that he really needed. She was in full support, or at least she showed me support, of the decisions that I made with Dad, as I was always trying to let her know what was going on.

To my other sister, who lived less than 20 miles from OUR Dad, I have no respect at all. It was all about her. She was in denial plain and simple. Six months prior to my fathers passing away I had made sure that my Daughter was able to come visit and spend time with my Dad, her Grandfather. She told my Daughter that I was just over exaggerating Dads condition. Well, was I BITCH!!! What was she going to get out of it if she did anything was more like it. Well, Dad put me as beneficiary to a measly $6000.00 life insurance policy to which I split between the 3 of us. I look back at it and think why the hell did I even do that. But it is what caregivers do. Calling her and trying to give her updates on Dad fell on deaf ears. Inviting her over was a chore as Dad would sometimes recognize a 'new' person in the house and temporarily regain some strength and memory. But right after the 'new' person left we had to go into the dementia stage all over again. I could go on about this but it is really upsetting because I know a friend of mine is going through the same shit as I did. The issue is she is having the problems with two older brothers. They are both idiots and ass holes. Sorry but this is just how I feel. NO!!!! I am not sorry. Screw them. They are what they are. What is really irritating is how they have fed bullshit lies and misinformation to grandchildren and other family that the caregiver always looks like the bad person. In some way I want to wish the same fate on the others so that they will see what shit faces they are and have been but then again as a caregiver I would not want to see anyone go through what I and my friend have had to go through.

Good grief, This has gotten me pretty worked up so I had better put a close to it before I say even more to piss some people off. What I want to leave with anyone that may possibly read or relate to this is: If you are NOT the caregiver give the caregiver some slack. They are not making any profit out of being a caregiver. Yes, due to the care that they are given, the parent sometimes changes beneficiary, or looks to be 'helping' the one out a bit more. Really, Do you actually think that is the case? Do you actually believe that is WHY we do it? The lack of maturity in some people no matter how old they are amazes me. Some, as in my friend, lost lots of time at her job, could not go on family outings, spent many a long hour at the hospital. Some of these are what happened to me as well but luckily I had retired from my job and was able to take the time to care. Siblings, the response I got was, do not bother me unless it is "that" time. Not with both but with the one that lived the closest. Financial gain from being a caregiver. GIVE ME A BREAK. Even if it looks like you are gaining something you end up LOSING more in the end. I have read many articles on this subject and they all say the same thing that I lived through. You lose so so much more, not just in financial but in mental stress. It is time to look past how you, as the non caregiver sibling, feel due to doing NOTHING, and realize that family is so important that it is not about YOU but about the FAMILY.

Deception, no wait, Selfishness, What about Integrity, Trust, and Respect.

Deception: the act of making someone believe something that is not true. This is something that has been on my mind for several months now. I have been one to have used deception before and know how it works on a person. What it can do to a person, their integrity, people putting trust in them, and the one that I believe hits the hardest, respect.

There are three primary motivations for deceptions in close relationships.

• Partner-focused motives: using deception to avoid hurting the partner, to help the partner to enhance or maintain his/her self-esteem, to avoid worrying the partner, and to protect the partner's relationship with a third party. Partner-motivated deception can sometimes be viewed as socially polite and relationally beneficial.
• Self-focused motives: using deception to enhance or protect their self-image, wanting to shield themselves from anger, embarrassment, or criticism. Self-focused deception is generally perceived as a more serious transgression than partner-focused deception because the deceiver is acting for selfish reasons rather than for the good of the relationship.
• Relationship-focused motives: using deception to limit relationship harm by avoiding conflict or relational trauma. Relationally motivated deception can be beneficial to a relationship, and other times it can be harmful by further complicating matters. *(Guerrero, L., Anderson, P., Afifi, W. (2007). Close Encounters: Communication in Relationships (2nd ed.). Los Angeles: Sage Publications)

The motivation that I am particularly focused on is the Self-focused motives as given above. Enhancing or protecting their self-image. The deceiver acting for selfish reasons. We do many things to protect our image and we most definitely do this for selfish reasons.

Selfishness is what jumps out at me here, We are all selfish in one form or another, it is a natural part of our flesh. The Word of God speaks against following our own selfish desires as it opens the doors for many terrible sinful actions to manifest in our lives.

*http://christianbiblelife.com/verses/11-humbling-bible-verses-about-selfishness

This has changed from deception to selfishness pretty quick. What does that say? To me it says that when a person uses deception to make themselves look better than who they are in order to protect an image, they have many selfish traits. Now due to our deception, because of our selfishness, we have opened doors for other terrible actions to manifest in us and our lives, as stated above. Is it worth it? 

What ever happened to just being honest and open? I watched and like the movie Clear and Present Danger specially when Jack Ryan is talking to the President concerning the close friend of his that had been murdered. If the president were to be asked if he and Hardin were good friends, he should answer. "We're lifelong friends." Instead of any deception or denial he spoke of the basic truth in the relationship. Maybe a bit overboard but there was no denying of the relationship. this is what I attempt to do now with all my talk. Not necessarily the overstatement but if you are in a situation you need to be straight up. Do not hide anything specially if it is for self preservation. Why? What happens if you are found out, or if someone already knows things you do or have done and they know that you are hiding something?

This takes me back to what I stated at the very beginning. What can it do to a person, their integrity, people putting trust in them, and the one that I believe hits the hardest, respect. If I have lost the respect of someone it is disheartening. It takes so so much to build this back up. We have all in some form done something that caused someone to lose trust in us. How about not allowing this to happen. Truthfulness, honesty and integrity, with no form of deception at all. This is how we want others to be towards us so why can we not be this way towards others. I want others to know that what I say is trustworthy. Not thinking in the back of their mind, is this the truth or, what else are they hiding? So, deception, selfishness, integrity, trust, respect, what is important to you and what is your main focus? Something again that has been on my mind over the past few months.

Public Service with out the Public Knowing.

Today is a very nice day out but somewhat cloudy, Actually completely cloudy but as the ground was not as wet as it has been I decided today was a good day to mow and trim the yard. I know, David it has only been two months since you have had back surgery, fusion surgery at that. Well, that is where this blog has come to start. I have mentioned in several different settings that I have mowed my lawn, 4 times now since my surgery, with the same or similar comment each and every time. What would your doctor say about that!!! Well here is the kicker, my son in law was here for a week and mowed it the first week for me but they had to go back home so, who does that leave to mow the lawn? I have had one person ask if they could have their son come mow it but in my stubbornness or more my personal thoughts, Do not ask if you can do something for someone, volunteer yourself and make it happen. No one has knocked on my door saying I am here to do whatever needs done for you, so as a homeowner, it is my responsibility to take care of my lawn.

This is not one of those, I want someone to come mow my lawn post. It is more about public service and doing things for others. A few years ago I attended a church whose Strategy for Life Change is Love, Grow, Serve, Share. Very good strategy as it encourages LOVE for one another, GROWth as in growing towards God and together with others, SERVE(ing) others without expecting anything in return, and SHARE(ing), as in sharing what God has done and is doing in our lives to allow others to see what He is capable of doing and will do for all of us. This is my interpretation of the strategy anyways. I believe we as humans have a responsibility to look out for others and help out when we can and sometimes even when it is inconvenient. The reasoning for doing what ever we do really has no bearing on our doing, it is just that we need to do whatever we are capable of doing, but not for recognition. If you are looking for recognition or payment then you are not doing it for the right reasons. I have sat in groups where someone needed something done and a parent jumped in and said, "I have a son that could help",  then messed it all up by saying, "he will do it for $20.00". Wow, talk about taking a good learning experience for a young person and turning it into a personal gain. Now my thoughts are, the next Saturday or whatever day you are able, grab your son and say we are going over to so and so house and do some yard work. God has given us an opportunity to serve someone and we are going to take advantage of it. Take him out to lunch or dinner for doing a great service or if you want give him the money yourself, or just let it be a personal satisfaction moment.

A few weeks ago I was talking with a friend that stated one weekend she heard a mower outside close to her house. Walking out and seeing that someone was mowing her lawn. She went out and talked with the person and his statement to her was that he felt God was wanting him to go do something for other people and that it was to mow their lawns. So he grabbed his mower, put it in his truck, and got plenty of gas and went to a mobile home park, He mowed all the lawns that needed mowed and did not do it for any recognition at all. Several years ago I know of a group that got together and went over to one of their members homes and did major yard and home improvement work on the house. Two examples of people stepping out, seeing a need, and just doing what needed to be done. I know public service is still around but I feel that it is not as prevalent as it used to be. Most of the time it has come down do people having to have a reward for anything and everything they do.

Life is about taking what abilities we have and using them to make this world a better place. How we do it and why we do it or even if we do it lies in the person with those abilities. Many choose money and recognition but there are just as many that will go out and do things because of a sense of being there for others. Why do I do the things I do? What do I expect of others and do I even have a right to expect? Here is what it boils down to for me. We all have a conscience that tells us what we should do and why we should do it. When it comes to public service or just a desire to assist others I feel it is most important to do it to make the place we live a better place and give those that need assistance a sense of security knowing others are there for them. You will not hear me telling you what I have done and I do not need to know what you have done. No one needs to know of our ways of making the world a better place, we just need to make sure we do something to contribute.

My 3rd Back Surgery

Time has come to have my 3rd back surgery, my 2nd fusion. I have had L-5/S-1 fused back in 2007 and knowing that the 3 disk above it were already having issues it was inevitable that I would have to have more surgeries. This time they are fusing L-4/L-5 using a procedure called TLIF- Transforaminal Lumbar Interbody Fusion. I had said may years ago that I did not ever want to have any metal in me and with the first fusion being a Facet Fusion they used cadaver bone to do the fusion. Well, with this there will be rods and pins used so so much for the NO METAL comment. With all the changes and improvements to back surgery I do feel so much better about this type of fusion. I have a great doctor, at least up till now he has a very good reputation and I have the utmost confidence in his abilities.

I would not be having this if it were not for the nerve issues that is being caused by the decompression of my disc. The issues are making it difficult to have full use of my left leg. Limited movement and of course the pain issues. My doctor has been upfront with me from the beginning letting me know that with the issues I have with my back I will never be pain free. This surgery is not really to help with the pain, though it will possible help some of it, but to allow me more freedom of use for my leg. I am good with this.

My lil sis Lisa is here to help me during this first week and I am so glad she is here. Though Lisa is not blood relative she is probably one of my best of friends. She is more than just a friend and better than family if that makes any sense. Really does not matter if it does to anyone but me anyways cause I am just so happy to have her in my life. I do not know what I would do without having her and Todd, her husband, be there through all the many things that have been going on in my life and I know that they feel the same way with all that they have had in theirs as well. Seems as if God knows who to put in your life and when to put them there.

Anyway, I guess I should get me some sleep as 5:45 am gets here pretty quick when it is already 1:00 am. Life is good, God is good, and no matter what troubles and trials you happen to go through there is always a meaning for them and in the end it will turn out as God wills it for us.