You Have the Right to Remain Silent.

I was in a conversation the other day that was actually pretty eye opening. There were a lot of words going back and forth but not much communication. But there was one statement that jumped out at me. Basically what was said was you have the right to say what you want to.

So I thought about this from a law enforcement point of view. Everyone is entitled to or has the right to remain silent. For many defendants or accused it is best to keep your mouth shut. Why? The more you talk the more the truth comes out. Interrogations when done properly can get the truth out with conversation. But when the talking stops the truth is hidden.

So let us use this in communication with others outside of law enforcement. If you have any form of relationship with another person communication is of the utmost importance in order to keep the relationship strong. When one person fails to communicate something is being hidden in most circumstances. In essence one may be lying by withholding.

You have the right to remain silent, but if you are remaining silent in a relationship the relationship is almost sure to fail. Talking will, for the most part, produce honesty and truth. The more you talk the easier it is to say the truth because when talking truth you do not have to recall what you said before. You recall the truth you speak the truth. Telling lies and continually talking will produce inconsistencies that bring out questions and therefore exposing the lies. So keep quiet and do not share your thoughts with those you are in relationships and eventually others may question why you are hesitant to talk. Speak the truth and do not worry about what you say because when you speak truth questions get answered and problems get solved. Say too much and you better make sure that you are telling the truth because the lies will eventually show up. Do not be afraid of the truth because speaking the truth is more forgiving than withholding or lying. To tell the truth keeps trust within any relationship or friendship and allows the continuation of the friendship but if you allow lies, deception, or withholding to enter, failure of a friendship is eminent. 

Is it possible to stay friends with your ex?

This is a pretty interesting and complex question if you ask me. In order to clarify we have to ask what would be considered an ex. For this I will use ex spouse or ex boyfriend/girlfriend. There are many factors that come into play when considering the ability to maintain a friendship after a relationship has ended. One is how did the relationship end, another is are there children involved and how about mutual friends, and for the purpose of this I will add parents or a parent of one that has become a good friend of the non child.

Let me start with a simple one, children. Oh you laugh at this and actually I do too when saying simple. This would be the most complex actually but with that being said it is the most simple. You are either going to work together or you are not. Personalities of each will have the greatest impact on the ability to either get along or not. Short and simple with my kids mother it took over ten years before I could even stand to be in the same room with her. Talking on the phone was almost an impossible feat. Now that our kids are older and we have grandchildren it is now possible for us to tolerate each other.

I will combine mutual friends and non parents in this area. Basically here mutual friends will most likely follow the one they were friends with in the beginning. If you actually met as a couple then it may be a bit more difficult but the answer would be who are the friends closer to, making the decision on its own. If you are to keep the other out of any conversations you may maintain a joint friendship and there is even the possibility that you can share time together with the friends. This all depends on how the relationship ended. Now concerning parents of the ex. Easy answer is the parent will always migrate towards the child and if the end of the relationship was awkward or there were bad feelings and such you can count on not getting along with your ex. The relationship with the exes parent will most likely end soon but again much goes into the decision. There is a slight possibility that a mutual friendship can be maintained.

Now the final area is how the relationship ends. Simple enough if there is abuse and or mistrust you will most likely not be able to continue with the friendship afterwards. Mutual agreements to split can go either way. I would suggest that if there is a chance to reconcile the relationship you may stay in a friendship. If there is no way and you are both in agreement you may stay friends but there will be a time when you want to move on towards another relationship so the ex will have to slowly disappear from your life.

So let me answer the question as to if it is possible to stay friends with an ex? I have exes that I am friends with and some that I am no longer friends with. The ones that I am no longer friends with out number the ones that I am able to maintain or rebuild a friendship with. In my opinion the best way to move on is to try not to maintain the friendship unless there are children involved. With children you must try even harder to overlook the past and keep things reasonable to maintain a way of getting along. More power to you if you are able to keep up a friendship with an ex on its own with no baggage to go along with it. If at all possible I will attempt to stay friends with the family members of an ex but over time it may end. For myself, feelings toward the other could interfere with any relationship I may want to start if I keep holding on to a friendship with the ex. Many things go into the decision if there is a possibility to maintain it but overall I would say, end it and move on.

Make it Count

I had a friend recently give this as a thought for me to focus on. MAKE IT COUNT. They asked, what does this mean for me? It did not take me long to understand after having gone through some personal heartaches that my understanding of this needs to be fully taken advantage of and made to count.

How do I make it count. First I must share what I have learned. People from your past are not the way you remember them as, just as I am not the way I was. We all grow into who we have become now. The person I knew from before had become more self centered, money oriented and status driven. The things they learned growing up spiritually became stagnant and they have not grown past the beliefs they had when they were younger and less worldly consumed. Yes, still knowledgeable, but not advanced. To gain knowledge and information regarding the current you must seek out and learn from others. This person does well in business and sees the advancements in learning from others to gain an advantage in business but when it comes to God and Spiritual matters, one or two times a month at church and then using that same information to teach others is not growing as well as we can. Personal study and prayer are not an advancement either because what you do is take what you read and apply it to what you learned from your past. So therefore you are not getting new vital information from others to assist in your growth.

Next I took what I thought of the person and used it as a guide in all my relationships creating a false outlook on my expectations. Now that I have been seeing things from a new direction I am now able to look past and forget that expectation and move forward.

How do I now make it count? Pretty good question. In order to make it count, first I need to make sure I continue to stay connected to my groups. To be around them and continue to learn and grow and not become stagnant myself. I have to forget any expectations from my past and concentrate on the here and now. No comparison can be made with any one person and bestowed on another. To do that is unfair to that person and to yourself as well because it is unattainable. Moving forward my goal is to forget any comparisons and accept anyone I enter into a friendship with for who THEY are, and allow the friendship to grow out of its own persona, with no other expectations to any comparisons of anyone from my past. I have to MAKE IT COUNT for what it is.

Good things happen....

Interesting few weeks for me. A few good things happened just to let me know God was still there. The first was when I went out with a friend of mine we were walking around some booths and one was a gun club. I have not shot a gun pretty much since my retirement and was looking to do some shooting. Well joined http://www.governorsgunclub.com/ and was entered into a drawing for a 9MM SCCY Industries gun. Guess things were falling in proper order as I have me a new 9MM.

Next I had an issue with some paint chips on my Mustang and after going around a bit with the dealer and a program I have with them they have been fixed, no charge of course.

Third, with my hearing problems I finally went back to the ENT to get some hearing aids. Part of the cost was covered but I still had a decent amount to come up with.. well low and behold God came through again and the out of pocket cost was not as bad as it could have been.

Then finally as I am on SS Disability I have to go through a review every three to five years. Well I get the letter telling me they are reviewing my case. I sent off all the information they asked for and waited. The other day I get a letter back from SS saying that no further review was needed. Praise God. He accepts me as I am totally. That is what love is.

Lemons to Lemonade.

We have all heard the saying, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade! Recently I have had some lemons sent my way and realized I really like lemonade. While drinking the lemonade, NOT KOOLAID, I talked to my Band of Brothers, a pastor, three special friends and two couples. All of us were in a state of unbelief but that was due to there being no communicated reason for the action. But when there is unbelief it becomes time to pray for answers. Not just for me but all involved. I have seen prayer work before in strong ways and subtle ways, but the thing is prayer WORKS.

My prayer was not for things to go back but for an understanding and an ability to move forward, plus vision into what I was missing. Communication was never a problem, at least on my side, but now that I look back I understand that it was on the other side. Also in a message heard from a new church I visited a statement was made. "When you are filled with the Holy Spirit you exhibit the fruits of the Spirit in giving to others unselfishly. God protects us from being walked all over. I thought that I was giving of myself and I believe it was as God was having me to do. I was not looking for anything in return other than friendship, honesty, and openness it grew into what I perceived as a love but now realize it was a one way love. God had his way of protecting me even through pain.

Understanding that things were difficult for the other I was willing to overlook many actions and red flags that appeared because we had "communication". Usually when decisions were made prayer was always a part of it. Not necessarily together, but we would discuss things and our talk would include advising we would, and I did, pray about items that came into our lives. so as I was hearing the break up I was expecting to hear, "I have prayed about this and God has shown me......" But what I heard instead was, "I have talked to three of my friends" (not completely sure of their Christian stance but I know they are not as strong as others that could have been consulted.), and "I have this 'feeling' that you are just not the one." Then finally "I have had time to think". Not once was the word prayer, or God used. I really find this interesting. My prayer at this time is that I am wrong in my thinking and that prayer was part of the decision. With my reflection I have noticed other red flags that I was blinded to but they are not important in the present other than I open my eyes sooner in any other relationship I may attempt in the future.

So on to my lemonade. The first taste was a bit bitter but as I continue to drink it gets better. I have some awesome friends that have shared a taste of it with me. Plus I go on to think about another saying, God has something better in mind for you." I believed for three happy years that I had one fantastic person, so if God has something better for me then look out. I am going to be one happy person.

Wow.. it has been a long time since I have written anything. Life has been pretty interesting for me as of late and I have had many thoughts come to mind. I am going to share a few quotes that I have posed in other social media. Hope that they give you something to think about.

April 8, 2013
In all we do we act properly and respectfully so that we are not discredited. Life moves forward, all is good or great and though we try not to wait or look for the roadblock, detour, or hardship you inevitably know it may come your way. All of us have been hit with physical and emotional hardships and have bruised our way through them. Heath issues too numerous to mention and emotional difficulties in relationships with family and friends that are so complicated we believe no one can help us through. We are warriors armed with weapons and have a band of brothers or sisters by our side with a Leader who has never lost a battle. Though at times we have been beaten and pushed hard upon, we will strive to move forward to win the battle. The war will be won and we will not be rich in wealth but our possessions will be great. - David A. Wisniewski inspired by 2 Corinthians 6: 3-10

April 13, 2013
When life happens you may not think it is a good thing but it is always a learning experience. Knowing that we are not really in control puts it into perspective and our eyes become open to what has really been happening.- David A. Wisniewski

April 13, 2013
In all things be who and what you are, not keeping things in secret. To deny your true identity to protect your identity is a lie. Does it mean you change what you are doing? Maybe, but the real change is to be an open book with who you are as it is too much of a conflict within ourselves to remain in the secret.- David A. Wisniewski

Old Fashioned Preachers vs New Technology

I have spent this week listening to some good old fashioned preaching. This combined with two old fashioned Gospel Quartets was inspirational and refreshing. It is good sometimes to hear the preaching and singing I grew up with. After all, this is what led me to my belief and salvation. Yes, you are waiting for the “but”, and of course I would not be writing this if there were not one.

The first evening message was on our being a “help” to the church. A very good image was presented that I would love to share but want to use it some other time. I will share that it presented two different ways people tend to be in the church and how we can be used in our church. The second night was about our song and that we as “Christians” are able to sing with Jesus as He did at the end of the Passover meal with His disciples before heading off to the Mount of Olives. An interesting statement was said that we Christians don’t sing because we can, but because we have a song inside of us. There are times when our song is silenced due to circumstances but we never lose our song. The important thing is that we are able to have our song renewed. The third evening was our knowing that we know that we know we are God’s. He has us and keeps us and we will always be His once we have accepted Him. Through whatever times we are going through He has a plan for us and the promises He has made to us are better than anything we can ever come up with ourselves. Finally the fourth service was on life with or without the Lord. There is devastation due to the Spirit of the Lord leaving us. Discovery when we realize that He is not with us and we have to go back to where we left Him. Then delight when we remember and worship Him for who He is. All the more we need to remember that Satan will step up when we start to serve and worship the Lord so we need to step up to a higher level in our service.

Now that I have shared the highlights of the messages there was one thing that jumped out at me from this old fashioned preaching. Why do these preachers downplay or preach against the new forms of technology? Yes, I understand that there can be a negative to many things, but it does not make it all bad. One of the preachers brought up “Facebook” with a negative connotation and it brought out a chorus of “amen”. I had to sit there and just shake my head. Yes, at times people put way too much on “Facebook” and it is used in ways that are very negative and destructive. I have many “friends” on my list that use it in such positive ways that it is and can be refreshing. Some of my “friends” are pastors, missionaries, wives of both, workers in churches, counselors, or they are just like me, saved servants of a risen Savior, who want to share some of the things we have learned in our lifetime. I am sure that back in the 1950’s when television was starting to hit its stride it was preached against, and it actually still is. I heard the other day that a preacher said "you're basically going to hell if you listen to contemporary Christian music". Does that mean only those from a different era are able to write and preform music? I guess these old fashioned preachers are the only ones that can preach the Word of God.

There comes a time when it is necessary to embrace the new media that is before us and show how it can be used in ways that are uplifting. After all there is live streaming of services to those that are unable to attend a service for some reason or another. My current church posts links to the message on “heaven forbid” Facebook. I look at how many times I have been unable to attend a Sunday service and listen to the sermons there. I attend a Journey Group that uses messages from a church web site for our lesson. We use songs that are posted on YouTube.

My posting this is not to speak badly of “old fashioned preachers” because as you can see they have much to share, but what I want to say is that we have so much before us that can be used to further God that we should embrace what He has allowed to be created. All things can and have been used negatively but at the same time we have an opportunity to use them in the correct way. The use by this pastor negatively concerning Facebook caused me to forget the points he was trying to get across. I actually had to call a friend and ask what he preached about. Let’s get with the program as we are all in this together with the same goal. That is to further the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Old fashioned singing and preaching combined with contemporary songs and messages are there to bring us all to a saving knowledge of Christ. Using the many different forms of communication in the proper way will help us to spread the message to a larger audience as long as we do things in the correct manner.