Trying to figure out why I have an "attitude".

Trying to figure out why I have an “attitude”.

Hey! It has been some time since I have stated my thoughts but I really have not had a bunch on my mind. Well, that is until this week. The past few days I have been agitated by statements that have caused me to become moody. Believe it or not I had a friend ask me if it was my time of the month. (Sure would like to see what happens when he asks his girlfriend that.) 

Anyways, let’s get to what is bothering me. For the life of me I have been trying to figure why my mood turned the way it did. My relationships are going great; my finances are in order, and other than the usual pains, health wise, everything is going well. So what was it that set off my “attitude”? The one thing that I can point to is a phone conversation I had the other day. I looked back at other times these feelings have come over me and it seems that it revolves around talking to this one person. Now just to clarify the person is not local to me nor do I see or speak to them often, but I do not want to mention them by name because they may read this.

What am I trying to say by this? I guess there are a few things that I am learning. As I cannot stop talking to this person I need to prepare myself for the negativity that always comes up when we do chat. I try to steer the conversation in other directions but at times I am unable to do so. Then I feel that the best thing for me to do is to focus my thoughts off the negative and on the positive of our conversation so that I do not direct my “attitude” towards others.  I tried to explain my “attitude” to a friend that I had directed my “attitude” towards, but that is when I got the “time of the month” statement. I hope that I am more attentive if I see someone having a difficult time. More important is that I want to be able to control my “attitude” so that I do not come across too negative as well. I have not been one to be negative or depressed often and I want to keep it that way.

Getting into the Christmas Spirit

Getting into the Christmas Spirit.

I had one of the best Thanksgivings this year and am looking forward to a very very good Christmas as well. The thing is over the past five or six years I have not really decorated for Christmas. Yes, I have helped others to decorate their homes and even enjoyed sharing in Christmas with others as well. Last year I even had an early Christmas with my kids and that was a special time for us all. What has happened is I have not gotten into the Christmas Spirit for myself or through my own doing but through that of others.

This year I went to a store with a friend and we were looking at all the Christmas decorations and ideas that are out. We discussed the idea of decorating my apartment for Christmas. I was like, why? I am not going to have any parties or have many guests over so why should I do that? Then it hit me, I really need to do this for me. I sit around in my apartment and I do not have anything to remind me of the season other than the stupid commercials on television. No they are not all stupid but there are a few that really irritate me. (I could blog on this alone so I will stop now.)

What I did next was figure out a budget for decorating my apartment. I am having to start with nothing and living on a fixed income I did not want to put out more than I could afford. Also not wanting to commercialize my living area I decided to start simple and keep it simple.

For me Christmas is about the birth of Jesus though I do enjoy much of the standard Christmas shows out there. My favorites are “A Charlie Brown Christmas”, It's a Wonderful Life”, 2 of the many versions of “A Christmas Carol” (The ones with George C. Scott and Patrick Stewart as Scrooge}, and of course “Rudolf”.

So here is what I decided to do. I found a prelit Christmas tree that was on sale and would fit in my apartment. Next I wanted to put something on my dining room table so I found some place mats that went with my room decor and for a center piece a friend had a decoration that fit perfect for just that. I was able to pick up a wreath for my front porch area and already having a stocking I brought it out and placed it very strategically, A very simple door mat to splash a bit of red and I was done. Now you may see my picture of the tree and ask why did I not decorate it. Two reasons for that. I am on a budget and not wanting to blow my budget on just the tree I decided to go with just the lighted tree. I could have gotten a few things to put on the tree but as my friend and I discussed, I should either go all out on the tree or keep it simple. Next year I will concentrate on the tree.

Now back to the Spirit of Christmas. As I said earlier that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, how has this decorating gotten me into the “Spirit”? After being thankful for so much over the past few years I have been able to concentrate on what Jesus birth means to me. His birth was simple in that he was born in a manger with just his mother and earthly father there. It was celebrated by angels proclaiming to the shepherds and to the kings (wise men) from distant lands. A star was placed brightly in the sky for them to follow in order to see the Savior. My little bit of decorating is a reminder of that time when Jesus first came to the earth as man. He did this not only for me but for all of mankind. Living a perfect life as an example for me. Having taken all Sin, carrying it to the cross, dieing in my place and yours, then raising back to life, being then transformed just as we are able to be when we accept this, freely and simply. He then left to prepare a place for us leaving us the Holy Spirit as a guide through our life. Here is that Spirit of Christmas that I really want to have in and with me.

The Spirit of Christmas is with in all of us by what was done for us over 2000 years ago. Living a life as an example to others, helping and being there for others, and even allowing others to help and be there for you. Not being selfish but just giving to others in what ever way you are possibly able. Merry Christmas to all and lets have a great New Year being all that we can. 

A Life Well Wasted.

Now do I consider my life wasted, NO!! Are there areas in it where I believe I had wasted time and effort, YES!!! There are times in all our lives where we have done foolish things. Looking at Samson in Judges 14 through 16 he was seen having accomplished at least five foolish things in his life. An engagement, a riddle, his temper, his ego and finally his ending were pointed out as being these five foolishness items. As a Nazarite there were three areas that he was supposed to stay away from. He could not take part of anything fermented, having to do with grapes or wine. Then he was not supposed to touch any thing dead and the third was he could not cut his hair. So what did he do that violated these. He entered a vineyard, duh, grapes, killed a lion, and after having killed it went back and found honey in it. Can we say touching the dead? Then what do we remember most, he allowed Delilah to know the secret of his strength (what he thought was) and thus had a razor put to his hair.

Now I am not saying that drinking wine, touching the dead or having your hair cut is wrong, I have done all of the above, but for Samson it was. Where in your life have you done foolish things? Most of us can look back and see plenty of areas where we have. Details are not important but understanding that I have done foolish things is important for me to see where I came from and where I am going. I started my life off pretty well by doing what I believed was the correct way to live but I feel it is necessary to compare my life to that of Samson concerning doing foolish things. I engaged in areas that I should have stayed away from. When it comes to riddles, I would consider this as saying things in ways that tempt others and myself in ways that would get me in trouble. A temper, yes I have one and it has caused me problems in my past. What can I say about ego? We all have one and to some of us it is a problem we have to contend with every day. Samson thought his strength was in his hair but did not realize the strength came from the Lord so he did not see that, not his strength, but the Lord had left him. Our ending, the good thing about this is that we still have a say in how that will be. Samson ended up asking the Lord for the strength to return to his body and he weakened the pillars claiming the lives of the Philistines and of course himself as well.

What have I learned from the life of Samson? I can appear to be successful in life but if I am not living out God’s given purpose for me then I am wasting the things that I am doing. Having made foolish choices in my past has consequences that are carried with me that I must still deal with today. An interesting statement that was brought up and I see as pretty eye opening is “you make choices and those choices make you”. Then finally it is how you finish your life that is more important than how you start it. I want to add to that it is not what you do in the middle either. I am not perfect and have not led a perfect life but I am striving to live out God’s purpose for my life. I want to finish my life the way God has intended for me to live it. It will be filled with trials and difficulties and I will even continue to do a few foolish things but I shall strive to do the best that I can. An interesting way to close out this is to say that “you preach your own funeral by the way you live”. If a video of who you were was used what would it say? Yes, we have all done foolish things but in the end was the climax of our life one that would show who we were supposed to be for God.

The Death Penalty

Did I get your attention with that? No, not that one, I am thinking about the threat of the death penalty for Colleges that continue to break the rules. Remember SMU, Erik Dickerson and company!!! Here is what Wikipedia says about the death penalty concerning SMU and college football.

“The harshness of the penalty nearly destroyed SMU football. The Mustangs only had one winning season over the next 20 years, and failed to make another bowl until 2009. It was also one of several factors that led to the collapse of the Southwest Conference. To this day, it is the most severe penalty ever handed down to a major (Division I) athletic program.”

Even with this being handed out major colleges continue to break the rules. I guess I should clarify this by saying alumni and supporters of colleges and their sports programs continue to break the rules. I turned on ESPN and am hearing about “The U” (The University of Miami), the one in Florida, not Ohio, Quarterback U, the one that produces all those NFL players. Very similar to the Running Back U in California, you know the one I am talking about, Reggie Bush and company, USC, another producer of NFL players. Oh, and did I mention all the money these programs bring in to the colleges, the conferences they belong to and television networks. Yes I have read where only 14 of the 106 colleges in the FBS made money in 2009 and that was down from 25 the previous year. The thing is money is being generated. It comes in, it goes out. That is how the system works. The NCAA does not want another collapse of a conference and I am sure they do not or cannot afford to allow a major program to suffer the same fate.

So what would happen if “the death penalty” were to be enforced to these major colleges? I shutter to think of the repercussions that would come from it. So what does the NCAA governing body do? Slap a wrist here, swat a butt there. Threaten with this hand while reaching out the other for the money that is collected by the colleges. This is the way I see it anyways.

Where do I stand on this? I am going to give two sides of it. The first is to bring back the “Death Penalty”. Even though the NCAA would be hurting itself, bring on the penalty. Let’s get college sports back to the amateur status that it should be. Changes need to be made to the NCAA rules though because I feel that lots of the rules are plain stupid and out dated. I could research this and give you boring statistics but we have heard it all so I will leave that up to you to discover. Second is to make college sports a farm system for the pro sports. The rules again would have to be drastically changed to make it fair for all the tiers of colleges. I am sure that a restructuring of the schools would be made. Some colleges would become AAA Farm teams as producers of more professional athletes down to an A farm teams for others. Many schools would have to do away with sports programs with this format. This is just a guess but I do feel that this could happen.

As I have given two possibilities there are other ideas out there. My thought though is to bring back the “death penalty”. No one is being held accountable. Sure, an indication of accountability is scratched at with the scholarships being taken away, probations, no TV, and not allowing them to go to bowl games or tournaments, and so forth. But it is not a deterrent. It continues to happen and from the looks of it, will continue in the future. Revamp the rules NCAA and get your house in order. Fix the problems as there are many. I do not have the answers but there are those out there that can help to fix it. Just get it done before it is too late, or is it already too late? 

Religion or Christianity

What is the difference between the religious leaders during Jesus time on the Earth and the leaders of today’s churches?

I attend two churches, one on Sundays that has a praise team with guitars and drums, singing up beat songs with lots of jumping up and down, raising of hands, stomping of feet and otherwise just getting into the music. The preacher wears jeans or slacks with comfortable shirts and they do not have a problem if shorts are worn in church. The women don’t have to wear a dress and for men a suit and tie is definitely optional. Actually I don’t recall seeing too many suit and ties worn at all. The Bible is taught and the Gospel is preached each and every time a message is given.

The other church I go to, (I attend this church on Wednesdays but have attended on Sunday as well), is like the one I grew up attending as a young person. On Sundays the old fashioned hymns are sung with a pretty structured service. Yes, they do go out on a few songs but I don’t recall a lot of jumping up and down during the singing. The pastor preaches with his suit and tie on and most of the men that are “involved” are dressed the same. Women are in dresses and it is suggested that all the girls do the same. Exceptions are made but as a rule you know what the dress code is. It has been suggested that if someone were to come in to the church out of dress code that it would be handled respectfully. (They will not kick any one out of the service for under dressing.) But if the person or persons continue this practice and fail to conform they will be advised of the proper way things are done. The Bible is also taught (King James Version) and the Gospel is preached at every service as well.

I have listened to preachers talk about how the spiritual leaders during Jesus days of walking on Earth had many rules that were expected to be followed. Honor the Sabbath, no Healing on the Sabbath, do this, don’t do that, women cover your head, and you have all heard what they were. It was said that one reason for these rules was because the leaders needed to have a reason to be there. It was their way of maintaining rule over the Jews. Now Jesus talked about certain rules that were to be followed as well. The 10 Commandments were always brought up first but He spoke of others as well. Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and Love thy neighbor as thyself. Most of us have heard this and we do believe this.

It is time to get to the point now. My opinion is that this is the difference between Religion and Christianity. Religion is man made with rules to follow and guidelines. If you do not follow these then you are not conforming to the religion. This is why there are so many religions out there because man needs to make up his own rules to follow. With Christianity all we have to do is look back at what Jesus did and follow His example. I have become so frustrated with Religion because of all these rules. Yes, to some these are standards and once we become Christians we should have a desire to follow certain standards in order to show our separation from Worldly living. I have heard all the arguments for following these rules but what bothers me is how important these rules have become in some Religions. When I read God’s Word and see how Christ spoke concerning the Religious leaders and the rules they have and how He lived His life I tend to compare the leadership in today’s churches with all the rules they have instituted for their religions. They actually justify the rules just as it was done back then.

Arguments can be used to justify following the rules but I feel that what is getting lost is the importance of following Jesus. With all the rules that have been made to follow while in church or as a part of a religion the world looks at the religious and calls them hypocrites because all the rules are nearly impossible to follow in our every day life. I will do my best to respect the rules of certain Religions but I do not agree with all of them. Though there is more to it, in the end what will be examined is not if I wore shorts to church or drank alcohol or smoked, it will be did I love the Lord my God and did I love my neighbor as myself.

A Weekend with Christians

This past weekend I went to a mountain cabin in North Georgia to spend time getting to know my Journey Group outside of our normal meetings. When you get with a group of different people you never really know how it is going to turn out. 

As you can see it was beautiful up in the mountains, both during the day and in the early morning as well. No matter the time you could see God's handy work. If I were to put sound to the pictures you would be able to hear birds conversing back and forth as well as all the other wildlife talking in the manner that God gave them.

 Insert into this the voices of people talking and sharing and you have put together the world as God had created it. All weekend long you would find a small group here, two people there. You could walk into one conversation or another would join yours.

The time of day never really mattered as we were able to talk, laugh, cry, share, or even find alone time. No subject was left uncovered and this made it possible to discover who and what we were all about. 

There was the alone time to look out and just enjoy the view. Or you could walk out in the early morning with that cup of coffee and stare into the fog. Waiting with anxiety to see the wonder of the trees and mountains as they slowly appear from the fog.

Time was spent sitting and sharing verses or passages of The Bible and telling the others what or why they meant so much to us. A time that I figured would last thirty to forty minutes ended up running almost an hour and a half. But you know what, it did not matter because time was standing still. Yes the minutes were passing us by but we were where we needed to be, learning about each other, getting to know each and every one in a way that you just can not do at any other time.

We went tubing down the Toccoa River, again laughing, playing and relaxing in ways you just can not do on a Sunday morning, Friday evening or what ever other day you may meet with your group.

Then to come back and feast on a meal fit for kings. Lets put it this way, we had more food than we could imagine with everyone doing their share of cooking and cleaning it was all so easy and fun.

Then afterwards building a fire, eating Smores and again, laughing and sharing all the time. Being able to share the time with a few of the children was very enjoyable as well. To allow your kids to see how adults interact is such an important part of their growing up and learning as well.

 Later after we settled down, sitting out and staring up into the sky and seeing more stars than you have ever seen before. Watching and looking and seeing that meteors happen all the time as we witnessed many during the time on the deck.

As you can see we had a fantastic time bonding together. It was more than I could have hoped for as we did learn about each other in so many ways. I have had a few discussions on fellowship when it comes to the Church and I would say that this weekend was one of those true times of fellowship.

We came together as a group not really knowing a lot about each other but left as members of a community understanding some of the who, what and why that make us what we are. The sun set on our time in the North Georgia Mountains but it will rise again in the morning and we will have a new outlook on many things.

 Take each and every friendship you have and build it into something meaningful and productive. Learn how to share with others so that you can pray for them and lets see how God can make miracles happen.

My relationship with my Mom.

It was 24 years ago today that my Mother passed away. I was 26 at the time so I was not very long into my adult life. I have talked to others about my relationship with my Mom with most of the conversation leading to how rebellious I became once I turned 18.

I know that most kids have a rebellious side to them but eventually they get the chance to spend time with a parent or both parents once they grow up and grow out of it. With my Mother I did not get that chance.

What do I recall about my growing up and having the mother that I had? Let me start this by saying what I believe others thought of her. If you were to ask my sisters you would find a totally different woman than the one I had growing up. Ask the children Mom taught in Sunday school or Bible School and you would get a version of a woman that loved God, loved kids and teaching them about Jesus. The adults would tell you about a person that was giving and caring but had a very strong will and would definitely tell you what she thought.

The person I saw growing up was a caring mother but one who definitely wanted me to become my own person. I was blessed to have gone to a good church and was not “forced” to attend as I wanted to go to church. She tried in her own way to read, not just the Bible, but other books with me, though I was not thrilled to do this. She taught Bible Club at the place we lived for a short time and I recall enjoying doing that with her as my teacher. I remember helping her to put her lessons together at the kitchen table and so forth. Mom loved to sew and I recall many a time going to the clothing store looking for patterns and fabric so that she could sew dresses and other things. She would sit and crochet all the time. Cooking was another thing I recall Mom loving to do. She grew up in Oklahoma and could cook any down home southern meal you wanted. I got my love for cooking from her. When she was working and I would come home from school there would be a recipe on the counter with food thawed in the sink or fridge. I would call her and she would say, “I will be home at 6 have this ready when I get home.” You may think a kid would hate that but I really did like it. Gardening was a love of hers as well, as everywhere we lived we had a garden. I recall tilling up the ground, throwing in compost and fertilizer, then making the rows and planting the seeds or the starter plants.

Fresh veggies all the time during the summer and then the weeks she would spend canning. The pressure cooker, the jars with lids, mounds of beans, piles of corn, bushels of tomatoes all ready to be canned.

We would go up into Amish country to the market, picking strawberries, finding the elderberries, raiding the Fredricks cherry trees. Going out to the Hartford apple orchards and bringing home bushel after bushel of apples. Mom had plenty of food in the basement and would supply any and all to whoever wanted it or needed it. The support I got from her was more than any child could ask for. Playing Little League then baseball in High School to all my basketball games I recall looking over and seeing Mom in the stands cheering me on. These are a few of my memories of my Mother.

Then I grew up, or thought I had. I didn’t need Mom telling me what to do, after all, she trained me well, I had been a good kid.

Let me be was my attitude. After all Mom, you were not that perfect person you tried to portrait to everyone. I lived with you and saw many of your faults. You want me to have a curfew, excuse me but I have not been a bad kid and now that I am 18 you want me to start following all these rules. Excuse me but no. That was an argument we had the summer after I graduated from High School. It changed my relationship with her. It seemed that purposely I chose to do things that were in direct conflict with what she wanted. Now not all, but many things I did out of rebelliousness. Then before you know it I was off to college and wanting so much to be grown up. I shared some things with her but most often I chose to do what I wanted. That relationship grew further and further apart. Both of us being stubborn we never really tried to tear down the fences that were put up between us.

Then she got sick and though having spent some time with her we never had that Mother Son relationship as adults. If I could change one thing in my life it would be that I had an adult relationship with my Mom.

What am I trying to say? For those of you who still have your parents make sure that you are able to have an adult relationship with them. If you are the parent of an adult child do all you can to treat them as an adult and have that mature relationship with them. I never had that experience with my mother but I did learn from it and was able to have one with my Father. Today is a day of reflection, as we all should take time to reflect on where we are in our relationships with others. Live, learn and grow.