Rediscovering yourself.

I have been hearing a lot lately about having to rediscover yourself due to various reasons. The most common is from a relationship, such as a marriage or friendship. It is so easy to get caught up in what you are doing, believing that you are working together with someone to get to a greater place in your life and discover that your perception has been way off the mark. You find out that what you felt was important and meaningful was not reality. Those that you were working or relating with did not see you the way you saw yourself in the process.

That discovery can really be embarrassing, hurtful and even depressing. To discover that you are not as important as you believed you were to a situation or relationship. In my own life I have discovered this more than just once. I have lost myself in several relationships and situations where I have put "me" on the back burner believing that the end results would outweigh to loss of myself. In your mind you believe that this is the correct thing to do because in the end the situation will be fantastic for all those involved. Only to discover that during the process somehow "we" got left out. How many times do we have this happen to us? If we all were to examine our lives we would say that this has happened to us in some form during our lifetime. How do we go about rediscovering ourselves?

I think about rediscovery and try to figure out if I have done that. Do I know who I am and what I am capable of? I believe it takes being in and around people who really know what you are made of. Those that understand your capabilities and do not hesitate to give you encouragement. Everyone needs to be acknowledged for whatever they have given to a relationship or situation. In reality though each and everyone of us need to know that we are capable of independently moving through life, making decisions and finding direction on our own. To discover that "me" as a whole can do and prosper in all of life's situations.

Over the past 10 months I have been rediscovering myself. I have become independent, having to make all kinds of decisions such as where to live, what to do with my time, evaluating relationships and many more. I have had friends encourage me and others that have limited me. It has been enjoyable being able to be around others and share life's lessons, teaching them while at the same time listening to them and learning from the experiences they have gone through. To rediscover yourself through sharing yourself with others has been an exciting process. The most important part of the rediscovery process though is knowing that I do not have to fall back into the same grind and lose myself to anyone or anything again.

Being Content or Comfortable

Is it the same, being content or comfortable? I think I will start with being comfortable. Comfort as a definition is: A condition or feeling of pleasurable ease, well-being and contentment. When I consider comfort I think of sitting in a large soft chair or recliner with my feet up and pillows around me to place my head, arms, legs or feet on. The remote control close by and of course a nice drink nearby as well. Now that is comfortable. Having all the things that I believe I want and need nearby. Someone to cuddle up with can make that experience even better, don't you think? Hummmmm. Comfort can be a good thing.

So now lets consider contentment. A definition for contentment that I have found is:Happiness with one's situation in life. So contentment to me would be being happy with where I am, with what I am doing and where I feel I am going in life. Making decisions for myself based on the needs I have but also doing for others in a way that they are getting contentment from the life and position they are in as well.

So when it comes to being Content or Comfortable, where do I stand. My thoughts on this are we can be comfortable for a time. It may not be long lasting but we are able to accomplish comfort many times. Contentment on the other hand is something we attain after a time of self discovery. Searching who we are, what we are and where we want to be in life. For me I will take that feeling of contentment because with it the comfort level is so much easier to attain. The thought of being comfortable and content all at once is an awesome thought and feeling. Being content with where one is and the direction they are headed is long lasting. I am pretty comfortable with that...

Where I am and where am I headed!!!

You go through life and just let it happen. Sure there are things that you do along the way to move right along with it, but are you getting to where you need to be or want to be. I have gone on a wild ride for the longest time with my life and it has had lots of ups and downs. Many people have come and gone in my life who have helped me along and then there are those that have directed me in the wrong direction. For the most part it has been a good ride but I really wish I had made other choices than the ones I did but I can not go back and change the past.

So where am I? I am being self sufficient. It has been so long since I have had to take care of myself that I felt as though I needed others to depend on. That is not a good way to live!!! To have either someone depend on you or to have to always depend on others makes me feel inadequate and is not a very good feeling. I have my own apartment and have to maintain it as well as maintain myself and it is really a nice feeling. The hardest thing is being in an area where I do not know a lot of people. Working on finding good friends can really be a chore though I know I will find some good friends. To answer my question I would have to say that I am looking at myself as a self sufficient person trying to maintain myself as well as working on finding a core of friends that will be a support to me emotionally as well as my being the same support to them also.

Where am I headed? Good question that everyone of us has asked ourselves many times over the years. The best answer to that is... I am headed in the direction God has put me in to learn more about myself and how I interact with others. Knowing that with God's help I will be able to take care of myself and also that I will forge new friendships that will help me to grow into an even better person than I am already. Looking at the old friendships that I have and making sure that they are what is best for me in order to be the best that I can be also.

I am where I am because God has put me here to do the things He knows best for me. It is my responsibility to make sure I seek His guidance and do the proper things so that I can be used for and by Him.

Using his God given talents.

I am sitting here house/dog sitting for a couple from my church. Its really pretty interesting if you think about it. Me house/dog sitting. I am also helping out another couple from the church with doing chores and other miscellaneous jobs around the house this spring for them. I started going to church and the Bible studies and felt that I was being called to assist others in need of doing whatever. Yes that encompasses a large area of things that can be done but the nice thing is, over the years I have taken it upon myself to learn many little odd jobs. To call someone out to fix something at my house was very unusual as I found away to fix it myself. Figuring things out has always been interesting to me.

So what are my thoughts on this. To be able to take your talents and use them to assist others is one of those challenges that Jesus gave to us. Yes, we all have certain talents that should be used by us to further our fellowship with God. I pray that I can continue to be a source for God to use to help those in need, whatever that need may be.

The Direction Life Takes You.

Taking a look at where I was several years ago to where I am right now, my life has made a complete turn around. I found myself wondering, what am I doing and why is my life so miserable? I have always been one to do for others and not expect anything in return but after time it became very discouraging.

I believe that I am beginning to see the rest of the story now. Its a matter of doing things for others for the right reason. What is the right reason? We need to do for others because that is what God requires of us, PERIOD. To have a servants attitude is what I believe is required of us if we are to follow the example that Jesus showed us. He understood His reasoning for being among us and followed the plan to its end. My responsibility is to learn from His example and teachings and serve others in a like manner. Everything will take care of itself after that because that is what God has promised, if we do as He wants us to.

My firm belief is that if you follow the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you," eventually everything will turn out the way it should. So all I have to do is see how Jesus would have me to act and be, then do those things to and for others and then He will take care of me. I can not expect from others because if I do then I will surely be disappointed. Knowing that it is God that will take care of me is all I need to be concerned with as long as I do as He would have me to do.

So what does this have to do with the direction life has taken me. Since August 2006 I have concentrated on doing all I can for anyone that has come in to my life. (Not that I did not do this prior to that time.) It has come in the form of saying something encouraging to someone in a time of need, to giving up my life to be a caregiver to my Father, and everything in between. I am finally seeing that my life has meant something and that God has taken care of me during this time. The direction that I am heading is positive and productive and no matter what direction I have felt my life has been headed, it is not in my control, but God has been directing it all along. So I accept the direction life is taking me knowing that it is being controlled by God. That direction is the best way to be headed.

Pain in the Back Follow up.

I find it interesting how I went such a long time with a little bit of pain and then all of the sudden it was pretty much uncontrollable. Walking over two miles a day for several weeks and I was actually feeling pretty good. Then there it was. So unbearable that when I went to walk it took me one lap to get loosened up then I was out of commission the rest of the day.

It seems now that I want to put an interesting twist to the back pain. At the time the pain started to get worse I had made a change in my life. I grew up going to church all my life and over the past 10 years found a bad taste from going. Now I am attending church regularly on Sunday mornings and then I started going to two Bible studies on Tuesday and Wednesday. Guess when the back pain started. Right after I made the commitment to attend the Bible Studies. It was so evident that those there noticed my pain and I was even trying to conceal it as much as possible. So what has that got to do with my back pain?

I have learned through my church attending, from when I was younger, that Satan loves it when Christians stop doing what they are supposed to be doing. Not attending church, bad attitudes, living carefree and that who really cares attitude. Just like I had. Then all of the sudden I make a life change and try to get myself back to where I need to be. Well, Satan pretty much has free rain here on the earth and he does not like Christians to get on the right path. I truly believe that it was Satan allowing the pain to build and took away a lot of my pain tolerance so that I was really feeling miserable. But the thing is I refused to stop doing what I was doing. Being reminded that God is really in control and you must rebuke Satan to get him to leave you alone, I had to do something.

What was it I did? First I prayed to God and told Him I understand that due to whatever, I am going to have this pain and may never get rid of it. But that is not up to me, it is up to Him. (Jacob and Paul are examples of having injuries or illnesses that God would not remove and allowed them to keep as reminders of God being in charge. But if it was not going to be removed I needed the tolerance to be able to live daily as He would have me to. Then I had to rebuke Satan and say out loud, "Satan leave me alone, you are not going to control my life."

So what has this accomplished. First God knows that I want to live for Him, second Satan now knows he does not have power over me unless God allows it. Third, and finally the pain that was so bad is not. Yes, I am hurting but I expect to have some pain but it is not totally keeping me from doing things. Not that I can really do much but I am able to function with limitations. God is in control.

His pain in the back.

I really do not like to complain and am usually pretty good at not when it comes to my back and other health problems. For the past few weeks I have been walking religiously at the mall, just under 3 miles if what I was told is correct. Everything was going really good until this Tuesday. I have no idea what happened but my back is really hurting. I had a very high pain tolerance prior to my stroke but it seems that now everything really bothers me, specially my back.

When I hurt my back at work in March of 2006 it took me 45 minutes before I could even move. The pain was very intense. Well I am almost to that point right now. I get up and try to walk and the pain is a real pain. I am hunched over and my body is twisted. Walking is slow and just not good at all. The pain is close to what it was that day in March when I hurt it.

How does that make me feel? Well, I am pretty upset. It does not stop me from doing things as I will not let it, though I do way too much. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I can not get much sleep as I find it hard to get comfortable. I even started taking over the counter pain meds and I do not like to take any meds. Sometimes I want to just scream and yell. Very frustrating when something effects you in this way.

As I said I am not much of a complainer but I had to vent. Do not think it will relieve the pain but it does feel better to get it out and say something about it. I had an MRI taken two weeks ago and they are comparing it to the MRI taken prior to my surgery. We shall see what happens.