What does your Church do when....

I was attending my previous church, a mega church, for three (3) plus years. Making my self part of the church as much as I could, (tithing, attending small groups, special events). Then some personal things hit me and no one from the church came to me in any way. Before you ask, yes there were many who knew what was going on in my life. I made some comments to staff concerning some issues I had and not a response at all. I disassociated myself with a group and not one member of the group has come to me.

During the same time I have attended a, lets say, more conventional church on Wednesday evening, as my former church does not have a Wednesday evening service. I also attend a small group that is held in the mega church but I dare say is not fully supported by the mega church. The pastor of the conventional church is a shepherd of his flock to put it, as he is aware and notices things. He was one of the first to come to me when he saw my disposition changed after the issues I eluded to earlier came forth. My small group has been there for me and they continue to be there for me as they are my strength.

So back to my title. What does your church do when you face personal issues or happen to stop attending the church? I would hope that someone from the church you were attending would notice you having difficulty or being gone. My opinion is if they are not doing this then they are really not interested in you as an individual. Leaving this church was not a difficult decision for me at all. They just do not care as far as I am concerned. Now I do not want to fully put down the church because they do have some good projects going on out there but for the individual it is not worthy of my attendance. If your major concern is making sure the community knows about you and all you do but in return the church is not concerned with the individual then you are not in agreement with the way Jesus ministered. Jesus was one on one, not concerned with what the masses thought but how the individual became stronger. Doesn't the Bible say that the church is made of many members, individually working towards the greater good of the whole?

I have to say to this that I am now going full time to the conventional church. Not joined yet but will in due time. My Sunday School class is a strength to me as they serve the needs of the individuals in the class but also serve together as a group. Others in the church are reaching out to me in friendship and I to them. To be part of the whole, connected to all in one way or another is how I think of a church. If someone is hurting the church hurts with them. If a person or family leaves the church you find out why and what is going on to make them leave. Concern for the individual while making the whole greater. So I ask again, What does your church do when...? 

To take responsibility or not? That is the question.

So often when things happen, we have two choices. Take responsibility or put it off on someone else. To clarify this it has to be when you ARE responsible for what has happened in part or in whole or are the one in charge. I have seen this while working with the public, in the workplace, in relationships, in churches, with politicians. Pretty much everywhere.

To put the responsibility off on another is a disservice to yourself and to whomever you placed it on. So many times the truth will come out and you will look so much the..... (you can fill that in for whatever word fits). If consequences are a result then you have to live with yourself for causing them and allowing another to take the fall. Then there is the possibility that it will be investigated and the truth will find its way to the forefront. The results are a lingering effect and often times you have to live with it for the rest of your life, negatively.

When you accept responsibility a different outlook shows itself. You are looked at as a person of integrity. Good, bad, or ugly, no matter, people will say that you stood tall, accepted all that comes from it and you will gain respect. To be respected in your actions is one of the greatest validations a person can obtain. One other thing to consider when accepting responsibility, once it is out and over with you are able to move on.

Continually moving forward is what we want to do in life. To always be looking back over your shoulder, wondering, is not how we want to live. Not accepting responsibility sets us back, keeps our eyes out of focus on the current and the future. We lose respect from others and we are always having to work harder making sure we do things correctly. Life can be difficult enough without putting more pressure on ourselves. Accepting responsibility shows an inner self confidence that knows we can make up for any negative in our life. This gives us the knowledge that others respect us and know that we have integrity and can keep the trust and confidence of others no matter the situation.

Block walkers and circlers!!!!

Have you ever known a person who, when attempting to complete a task, walks around the block to get to the corner? Say what? Ok let me be more descriptive here. You live on a block and walk out your front door. The goal is to go left and meet someone at the corner of the block. But instead of taking the direct route you go right and walk all the way around the block and end up at the corner. You accomplished what you wanted but you took the long way around. I call these people 'block walkers'.

My impression of the 'block walker' is that they are people who will find the most difficult way to complete a project. Sometimes this is good in that they take extra time to make sure the project is done correctly but it seems as if there is always an easier way for the same thing to be completed. Whenever I attempt to do something I try to see the most practical, the simplest and easiest way, and then get to it and get it done. When I am with the 'block walker' I find myself becoming frustrated and irritated.

There is another type of person that I wish to address as well. What do you know about 'circlers'? You know, those that go around and around a subject while never completely touching what is really being asked or said. When you attempt to get an answer out of this person all they are able to do is give anything but the actual correct answer. I find these people are either afraid of what they will reveal by telling the truth, or just incapable of giving a direct answer. Sometimes this can be done to protect themselves or they are attempting to not hurt the one that has asked the question. My personal feeling is when you circle the answer you are bordering on being deceptive and lying. I find being around this type of person frustrates me as well and at times more so than the 'block walkers'.

Why talk about these types of people in the same post, other than they go around things rather than being direct? I guess the reason is noticing these types of people, for me, is a way of protecting myself from frustration. In my attempts to learn about others, if they are these types, I discover that I will avoid or limit my contact with them. The 'block walkers' are easier to pick up on while the 'circler' tends to be much more difficult. This difficulty makes the 'circler' a more dangerous person, in my opinion, because they tend to give answers at times that are correct but in reality they will become deceptive when necessary to protect themselves. I am able to associate more with the 'block walker' because they just make doing things difficult while the 'circler' manipulates situations to maintain their security.

The 'block walker' and the 'circler', though they most likely are not bad people, I tend to maintain distance from them. Frustration is associated with them both while the 'circler' is one that I would prefer to stay away from. My goal is to be direct with people when talking and answering questions that are asked of me. The same thing with projects, hitting them head on and getting them done, as fast as practical and correctly completed. 

I will delete the appropriate program.

I was watching an old episode of "Star Trek- The Next Generation" where Data became involved in a personal romantic relationship with a human. Data of course is an android incapable of understanding the nuances of a relationship. He had to create a program, as in a computer, to attempt to build the relationship, but he was really unable to fully comprehend all the idiosyncrasies of a human. This led to the relationship not becoming anything other than an experiment for him. The human female was unable to do anything at all to get any emotions out of Data. She had to end the relationship and due to Data being an android his only response was "I will delete the appropriate program".

If it were only that simple. Data strives to become more human. We as humans want to or attempt to block things out, become less human because of the hurts. We can not do that. What we do or should do from our experiences is to treasure any and all your interactions and learn and grow from them. That is what being human is about. 

The Single LIfe

This is a tough one but for some reason I feel the need to talk about this. I am 52 years old and for the most part have been in a relationship in one form or another. Various girlfriends and yes, more than one marriage. There are things in both a relationship and being single that have its advantages and even disadvantages. What I find most important is to be happy and content in either one.

Being involved in a relationship takes involvement with the other person, communication and balancing your time. I am not talking about only being in love with someone relationship but various ones including just a simple learning about, dating (casual or serious), to the more serious of engagement to marriage. The whole gamut of relationships to be unspecifically specific. At my age forging a new relationship is difficult. First of all finding someone close to my age. Then being able to find someone where both of us can overcome our pasts to make a present. Of course there is so much more to it but that talk is for another time.

I guess what I am getting at is how bad is it to live the single life. What it boils down to is, am I content with where I am? In order to move forward it is important for me to be content with every aspect of where I am. I can get real spiritual here and say that God has my life in His hands and will direct me to where I need to be and with whom I need to be with, and I do agree with this. For anyone though you have to take a look at who and what you are, accept all those things and then allow life to happen around you and join in of course. You never know what is in store or who possibly will enter into your life. Those are things that I have to allow to happen while living the single life.

New Chapters in Life.

New chapters in life come around quite often it seems. Starting from the time we are born till we die we will experience many new phases. Some of these chapters are fun and exciting while others are troublesome and disenfranchising. We control some of them and at times others dictate the way the chapter moves.

I am starting a new chapter in my life at this time and am really excited about it. When you put your all into some things and it feels as if you are coasting along in the manner it is supposed to, bumps happen. Some of the bumps can be awful hard, but determining the reasoning behind the bump is always intriguing. This chapter is not due to my making but in all actuality it may be. I had fallen into the old story of complying to the needs of others and forgetting the needs of myself. Learning from the past chapters was neglected. You always need to keep the real you fresh by recalling your past but growing or you lose touch with who and what you are. Allowing others or circumstances to alter you over and over will or can create chaos in your life. It may then be time for a new chapter to begin, not only for you but for others.

Our lives are full of chapters that make up our story. It begins at the time of our birth and continues till the day we die. Some chapters last a short time while others last for many years. Books have conclusions that complete a story with no loose ends, but life is not always that way. Life's conclusion will happen at death, with some loose ends maybe, but the thing about life is, as should be with a good book, that with each chapter we grow and learn from the previous chapters to complete a good or even possibly a great life. So here I go, looking to start the next chapter, learning from the past, building to a fantastic conclusion.

Why Blog? and what keeps you from it!

For the past few years I believed I was happy in all areas of my life. Growing in God, men helping me to be the man I should be, and a woman by my side. The first two are still there by me but the woman is not. Truth is I am better off now than I was when I believed I was happy. She is a good person but not the right one for me. Giving all I could with nothing given back is not how to live happily.

I started blogging, for me, over 4 years ago, but for a year I was stifled. I had a block keeping me from my blogging. Looking back I was prohibited from speaking out or writing out in public. It was as if everything I wanted to say had to go through a channel that dictated what I said or did. Control was given up on my part for, what I thought, were all the right reasons. When you give this up it is not necessarily a bad thing but you should make sure it is for the proper reasoning. Perception comes in now. Am I seeing things as they really are? Having perception is a necessity in order to say the right thing at the right time in order make it meaningful to others (my definition). Maintaining control in what I say is important so that I say what is coming from inside me and not being dictated by anyone else.

Now what am I attempting to say by the previous two paragraphs. All aspects of a persons life has to be running on the same path. If any one of them is out of sync it can cause you to be completely off kilter. Having perception is not enough either. Control alone is not good as well. Maintaining control while using perception in life to share and give to others while receiving in return is a must. Allowing God to have the ultimate control, a band of warriors to help you to be the man you should be, not allowing a woman to dictate based on her needs alone is my recipe to ultimately be who and what I can be for others. Sharing and giving to others in ways that are useful and helpful to others. This is what I want to be to others and blogging as I do is one way that I am able to do this. If all you do is help one person all your life then you have accomplished something but dare to be more to so many others.