Getting into the Christmas Spirit

Getting into the Christmas Spirit.

I had one of the best Thanksgivings this year and am looking forward to a very very good Christmas as well. The thing is over the past five or six years I have not really decorated for Christmas. Yes, I have helped others to decorate their homes and even enjoyed sharing in Christmas with others as well. Last year I even had an early Christmas with my kids and that was a special time for us all. What has happened is I have not gotten into the Christmas Spirit for myself or through my own doing but through that of others.

This year I went to a store with a friend and we were looking at all the Christmas decorations and ideas that are out. We discussed the idea of decorating my apartment for Christmas. I was like, why? I am not going to have any parties or have many guests over so why should I do that? Then it hit me, I really need to do this for me. I sit around in my apartment and I do not have anything to remind me of the season other than the stupid commercials on television. No they are not all stupid but there are a few that really irritate me. (I could blog on this alone so I will stop now.)

What I did next was figure out a budget for decorating my apartment. I am having to start with nothing and living on a fixed income I did not want to put out more than I could afford. Also not wanting to commercialize my living area I decided to start simple and keep it simple.

For me Christmas is about the birth of Jesus though I do enjoy much of the standard Christmas shows out there. My favorites are “A Charlie Brown Christmas”, It's a Wonderful Life”, 2 of the many versions of “A Christmas Carol” (The ones with George C. Scott and Patrick Stewart as Scrooge}, and of course “Rudolf”.

So here is what I decided to do. I found a prelit Christmas tree that was on sale and would fit in my apartment. Next I wanted to put something on my dining room table so I found some place mats that went with my room decor and for a center piece a friend had a decoration that fit perfect for just that. I was able to pick up a wreath for my front porch area and already having a stocking I brought it out and placed it very strategically, A very simple door mat to splash a bit of red and I was done. Now you may see my picture of the tree and ask why did I not decorate it. Two reasons for that. I am on a budget and not wanting to blow my budget on just the tree I decided to go with just the lighted tree. I could have gotten a few things to put on the tree but as my friend and I discussed, I should either go all out on the tree or keep it simple. Next year I will concentrate on the tree.

Now back to the Spirit of Christmas. As I said earlier that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, how has this decorating gotten me into the “Spirit”? After being thankful for so much over the past few years I have been able to concentrate on what Jesus birth means to me. His birth was simple in that he was born in a manger with just his mother and earthly father there. It was celebrated by angels proclaiming to the shepherds and to the kings (wise men) from distant lands. A star was placed brightly in the sky for them to follow in order to see the Savior. My little bit of decorating is a reminder of that time when Jesus first came to the earth as man. He did this not only for me but for all of mankind. Living a perfect life as an example for me. Having taken all Sin, carrying it to the cross, dieing in my place and yours, then raising back to life, being then transformed just as we are able to be when we accept this, freely and simply. He then left to prepare a place for us leaving us the Holy Spirit as a guide through our life. Here is that Spirit of Christmas that I really want to have in and with me.

The Spirit of Christmas is with in all of us by what was done for us over 2000 years ago. Living a life as an example to others, helping and being there for others, and even allowing others to help and be there for you. Not being selfish but just giving to others in what ever way you are possibly able. Merry Christmas to all and lets have a great New Year being all that we can. 

A Life Well Wasted.

Now do I consider my life wasted, NO!! Are there areas in it where I believe I had wasted time and effort, YES!!! There are times in all our lives where we have done foolish things. Looking at Samson in Judges 14 through 16 he was seen having accomplished at least five foolish things in his life. An engagement, a riddle, his temper, his ego and finally his ending were pointed out as being these five foolishness items. As a Nazarite there were three areas that he was supposed to stay away from. He could not take part of anything fermented, having to do with grapes or wine. Then he was not supposed to touch any thing dead and the third was he could not cut his hair. So what did he do that violated these. He entered a vineyard, duh, grapes, killed a lion, and after having killed it went back and found honey in it. Can we say touching the dead? Then what do we remember most, he allowed Delilah to know the secret of his strength (what he thought was) and thus had a razor put to his hair.

Now I am not saying that drinking wine, touching the dead or having your hair cut is wrong, I have done all of the above, but for Samson it was. Where in your life have you done foolish things? Most of us can look back and see plenty of areas where we have. Details are not important but understanding that I have done foolish things is important for me to see where I came from and where I am going. I started my life off pretty well by doing what I believed was the correct way to live but I feel it is necessary to compare my life to that of Samson concerning doing foolish things. I engaged in areas that I should have stayed away from. When it comes to riddles, I would consider this as saying things in ways that tempt others and myself in ways that would get me in trouble. A temper, yes I have one and it has caused me problems in my past. What can I say about ego? We all have one and to some of us it is a problem we have to contend with every day. Samson thought his strength was in his hair but did not realize the strength came from the Lord so he did not see that, not his strength, but the Lord had left him. Our ending, the good thing about this is that we still have a say in how that will be. Samson ended up asking the Lord for the strength to return to his body and he weakened the pillars claiming the lives of the Philistines and of course himself as well.

What have I learned from the life of Samson? I can appear to be successful in life but if I am not living out God’s given purpose for me then I am wasting the things that I am doing. Having made foolish choices in my past has consequences that are carried with me that I must still deal with today. An interesting statement that was brought up and I see as pretty eye opening is “you make choices and those choices make you”. Then finally it is how you finish your life that is more important than how you start it. I want to add to that it is not what you do in the middle either. I am not perfect and have not led a perfect life but I am striving to live out God’s purpose for my life. I want to finish my life the way God has intended for me to live it. It will be filled with trials and difficulties and I will even continue to do a few foolish things but I shall strive to do the best that I can. An interesting way to close out this is to say that “you preach your own funeral by the way you live”. If a video of who you were was used what would it say? Yes, we have all done foolish things but in the end was the climax of our life one that would show who we were supposed to be for God.

The Death Penalty

Did I get your attention with that? No, not that one, I am thinking about the threat of the death penalty for Colleges that continue to break the rules. Remember SMU, Erik Dickerson and company!!! Here is what Wikipedia says about the death penalty concerning SMU and college football.

“The harshness of the penalty nearly destroyed SMU football. The Mustangs only had one winning season over the next 20 years, and failed to make another bowl until 2009. It was also one of several factors that led to the collapse of the Southwest Conference. To this day, it is the most severe penalty ever handed down to a major (Division I) athletic program.”

Even with this being handed out major colleges continue to break the rules. I guess I should clarify this by saying alumni and supporters of colleges and their sports programs continue to break the rules. I turned on ESPN and am hearing about “The U” (The University of Miami), the one in Florida, not Ohio, Quarterback U, the one that produces all those NFL players. Very similar to the Running Back U in California, you know the one I am talking about, Reggie Bush and company, USC, another producer of NFL players. Oh, and did I mention all the money these programs bring in to the colleges, the conferences they belong to and television networks. Yes I have read where only 14 of the 106 colleges in the FBS made money in 2009 and that was down from 25 the previous year. The thing is money is being generated. It comes in, it goes out. That is how the system works. The NCAA does not want another collapse of a conference and I am sure they do not or cannot afford to allow a major program to suffer the same fate.

So what would happen if “the death penalty” were to be enforced to these major colleges? I shutter to think of the repercussions that would come from it. So what does the NCAA governing body do? Slap a wrist here, swat a butt there. Threaten with this hand while reaching out the other for the money that is collected by the colleges. This is the way I see it anyways.

Where do I stand on this? I am going to give two sides of it. The first is to bring back the “Death Penalty”. Even though the NCAA would be hurting itself, bring on the penalty. Let’s get college sports back to the amateur status that it should be. Changes need to be made to the NCAA rules though because I feel that lots of the rules are plain stupid and out dated. I could research this and give you boring statistics but we have heard it all so I will leave that up to you to discover. Second is to make college sports a farm system for the pro sports. The rules again would have to be drastically changed to make it fair for all the tiers of colleges. I am sure that a restructuring of the schools would be made. Some colleges would become AAA Farm teams as producers of more professional athletes down to an A farm teams for others. Many schools would have to do away with sports programs with this format. This is just a guess but I do feel that this could happen.

As I have given two possibilities there are other ideas out there. My thought though is to bring back the “death penalty”. No one is being held accountable. Sure, an indication of accountability is scratched at with the scholarships being taken away, probations, no TV, and not allowing them to go to bowl games or tournaments, and so forth. But it is not a deterrent. It continues to happen and from the looks of it, will continue in the future. Revamp the rules NCAA and get your house in order. Fix the problems as there are many. I do not have the answers but there are those out there that can help to fix it. Just get it done before it is too late, or is it already too late? 

Religion or Christianity

What is the difference between the religious leaders during Jesus time on the Earth and the leaders of today’s churches?

I attend two churches, one on Sundays that has a praise team with guitars and drums, singing up beat songs with lots of jumping up and down, raising of hands, stomping of feet and otherwise just getting into the music. The preacher wears jeans or slacks with comfortable shirts and they do not have a problem if shorts are worn in church. The women don’t have to wear a dress and for men a suit and tie is definitely optional. Actually I don’t recall seeing too many suit and ties worn at all. The Bible is taught and the Gospel is preached each and every time a message is given.

The other church I go to, (I attend this church on Wednesdays but have attended on Sunday as well), is like the one I grew up attending as a young person. On Sundays the old fashioned hymns are sung with a pretty structured service. Yes, they do go out on a few songs but I don’t recall a lot of jumping up and down during the singing. The pastor preaches with his suit and tie on and most of the men that are “involved” are dressed the same. Women are in dresses and it is suggested that all the girls do the same. Exceptions are made but as a rule you know what the dress code is. It has been suggested that if someone were to come in to the church out of dress code that it would be handled respectfully. (They will not kick any one out of the service for under dressing.) But if the person or persons continue this practice and fail to conform they will be advised of the proper way things are done. The Bible is also taught (King James Version) and the Gospel is preached at every service as well.

I have listened to preachers talk about how the spiritual leaders during Jesus days of walking on Earth had many rules that were expected to be followed. Honor the Sabbath, no Healing on the Sabbath, do this, don’t do that, women cover your head, and you have all heard what they were. It was said that one reason for these rules was because the leaders needed to have a reason to be there. It was their way of maintaining rule over the Jews. Now Jesus talked about certain rules that were to be followed as well. The 10 Commandments were always brought up first but He spoke of others as well. Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and Love thy neighbor as thyself. Most of us have heard this and we do believe this.

It is time to get to the point now. My opinion is that this is the difference between Religion and Christianity. Religion is man made with rules to follow and guidelines. If you do not follow these then you are not conforming to the religion. This is why there are so many religions out there because man needs to make up his own rules to follow. With Christianity all we have to do is look back at what Jesus did and follow His example. I have become so frustrated with Religion because of all these rules. Yes, to some these are standards and once we become Christians we should have a desire to follow certain standards in order to show our separation from Worldly living. I have heard all the arguments for following these rules but what bothers me is how important these rules have become in some Religions. When I read God’s Word and see how Christ spoke concerning the Religious leaders and the rules they have and how He lived His life I tend to compare the leadership in today’s churches with all the rules they have instituted for their religions. They actually justify the rules just as it was done back then.

Arguments can be used to justify following the rules but I feel that what is getting lost is the importance of following Jesus. With all the rules that have been made to follow while in church or as a part of a religion the world looks at the religious and calls them hypocrites because all the rules are nearly impossible to follow in our every day life. I will do my best to respect the rules of certain Religions but I do not agree with all of them. Though there is more to it, in the end what will be examined is not if I wore shorts to church or drank alcohol or smoked, it will be did I love the Lord my God and did I love my neighbor as myself.

A Weekend with Christians

This past weekend I went to a mountain cabin in North Georgia to spend time getting to know my Journey Group outside of our normal meetings. When you get with a group of different people you never really know how it is going to turn out. 

As you can see it was beautiful up in the mountains, both during the day and in the early morning as well. No matter the time you could see God's handy work. If I were to put sound to the pictures you would be able to hear birds conversing back and forth as well as all the other wildlife talking in the manner that God gave them.

 Insert into this the voices of people talking and sharing and you have put together the world as God had created it. All weekend long you would find a small group here, two people there. You could walk into one conversation or another would join yours.

The time of day never really mattered as we were able to talk, laugh, cry, share, or even find alone time. No subject was left uncovered and this made it possible to discover who and what we were all about. 

There was the alone time to look out and just enjoy the view. Or you could walk out in the early morning with that cup of coffee and stare into the fog. Waiting with anxiety to see the wonder of the trees and mountains as they slowly appear from the fog.

Time was spent sitting and sharing verses or passages of The Bible and telling the others what or why they meant so much to us. A time that I figured would last thirty to forty minutes ended up running almost an hour and a half. But you know what, it did not matter because time was standing still. Yes the minutes were passing us by but we were where we needed to be, learning about each other, getting to know each and every one in a way that you just can not do at any other time.

We went tubing down the Toccoa River, again laughing, playing and relaxing in ways you just can not do on a Sunday morning, Friday evening or what ever other day you may meet with your group.

Then to come back and feast on a meal fit for kings. Lets put it this way, we had more food than we could imagine with everyone doing their share of cooking and cleaning it was all so easy and fun.

Then afterwards building a fire, eating Smores and again, laughing and sharing all the time. Being able to share the time with a few of the children was very enjoyable as well. To allow your kids to see how adults interact is such an important part of their growing up and learning as well.

 Later after we settled down, sitting out and staring up into the sky and seeing more stars than you have ever seen before. Watching and looking and seeing that meteors happen all the time as we witnessed many during the time on the deck.

As you can see we had a fantastic time bonding together. It was more than I could have hoped for as we did learn about each other in so many ways. I have had a few discussions on fellowship when it comes to the Church and I would say that this weekend was one of those true times of fellowship.

We came together as a group not really knowing a lot about each other but left as members of a community understanding some of the who, what and why that make us what we are. The sun set on our time in the North Georgia Mountains but it will rise again in the morning and we will have a new outlook on many things.

 Take each and every friendship you have and build it into something meaningful and productive. Learn how to share with others so that you can pray for them and lets see how God can make miracles happen.

My relationship with my Mom.

It was 24 years ago today that my Mother passed away. I was 26 at the time so I was not very long into my adult life. I have talked to others about my relationship with my Mom with most of the conversation leading to how rebellious I became once I turned 18.

I know that most kids have a rebellious side to them but eventually they get the chance to spend time with a parent or both parents once they grow up and grow out of it. With my Mother I did not get that chance.

What do I recall about my growing up and having the mother that I had? Let me start this by saying what I believe others thought of her. If you were to ask my sisters you would find a totally different woman than the one I had growing up. Ask the children Mom taught in Sunday school or Bible School and you would get a version of a woman that loved God, loved kids and teaching them about Jesus. The adults would tell you about a person that was giving and caring but had a very strong will and would definitely tell you what she thought.

The person I saw growing up was a caring mother but one who definitely wanted me to become my own person. I was blessed to have gone to a good church and was not “forced” to attend as I wanted to go to church. She tried in her own way to read, not just the Bible, but other books with me, though I was not thrilled to do this. She taught Bible Club at the place we lived for a short time and I recall enjoying doing that with her as my teacher. I remember helping her to put her lessons together at the kitchen table and so forth. Mom loved to sew and I recall many a time going to the clothing store looking for patterns and fabric so that she could sew dresses and other things. She would sit and crochet all the time. Cooking was another thing I recall Mom loving to do. She grew up in Oklahoma and could cook any down home southern meal you wanted. I got my love for cooking from her. When she was working and I would come home from school there would be a recipe on the counter with food thawed in the sink or fridge. I would call her and she would say, “I will be home at 6 have this ready when I get home.” You may think a kid would hate that but I really did like it. Gardening was a love of hers as well, as everywhere we lived we had a garden. I recall tilling up the ground, throwing in compost and fertilizer, then making the rows and planting the seeds or the starter plants.

Fresh veggies all the time during the summer and then the weeks she would spend canning. The pressure cooker, the jars with lids, mounds of beans, piles of corn, bushels of tomatoes all ready to be canned.

We would go up into Amish country to the market, picking strawberries, finding the elderberries, raiding the Fredricks cherry trees. Going out to the Hartford apple orchards and bringing home bushel after bushel of apples. Mom had plenty of food in the basement and would supply any and all to whoever wanted it or needed it. The support I got from her was more than any child could ask for. Playing Little League then baseball in High School to all my basketball games I recall looking over and seeing Mom in the stands cheering me on. These are a few of my memories of my Mother.

Then I grew up, or thought I had. I didn’t need Mom telling me what to do, after all, she trained me well, I had been a good kid.

Let me be was my attitude. After all Mom, you were not that perfect person you tried to portrait to everyone. I lived with you and saw many of your faults. You want me to have a curfew, excuse me but I have not been a bad kid and now that I am 18 you want me to start following all these rules. Excuse me but no. That was an argument we had the summer after I graduated from High School. It changed my relationship with her. It seemed that purposely I chose to do things that were in direct conflict with what she wanted. Now not all, but many things I did out of rebelliousness. Then before you know it I was off to college and wanting so much to be grown up. I shared some things with her but most often I chose to do what I wanted. That relationship grew further and further apart. Both of us being stubborn we never really tried to tear down the fences that were put up between us.

Then she got sick and though having spent some time with her we never had that Mother Son relationship as adults. If I could change one thing in my life it would be that I had an adult relationship with my Mom.

What am I trying to say? For those of you who still have your parents make sure that you are able to have an adult relationship with them. If you are the parent of an adult child do all you can to treat them as an adult and have that mature relationship with them. I never had that experience with my mother but I did learn from it and was able to have one with my Father. Today is a day of reflection, as we all should take time to reflect on where we are in our relationships with others. Live, learn and grow.

Conspiracy Theories

For a long time now we have heard of different conspiracy theories ranging from but not limited to clandestine government plans, elaborate murder plots, suppression of secret technology and knowledge and other supposed schemes behind certain political, cultural, and historical events.

I could be more specific but if I get too specific I am sure that my name will go on some list somewhere and I will be forever watched by some government agency that is out to get me. Yes, I joke about this but, when you see all that we do and all the information we put out there, we are being looked at. Look at all the advertisers on web sites. Search engines, blogs, social networks, dating sites and even more have paid to put out their product so you can see it. Why? They have researched and discovered the who, what, why, when and where, putting money into each of these areas. We put out information in all areas and are being tracked in one form or another. You do know your spending habits are being tracked by credit agencies and banks. Who and where you search on the internet is being tracked. It is a numbers game out there. The big push to brand yourself is all about getting your name out there. Write a blog such as this and tagging words will get you noticed.

Are you really surprised when you hear that the government is putting money into these as well? If we are so free to tell our “friends” what we do each and every minute why would the government not be as interested in gaining that information as well. We have complained about “Big Brother” looking into our private lives then we go out and give the information so freely. Then we call it a conspiracy. It may be, but then again we just give out our sleep habits, wake habits, vacation plans, shopping habits, eating times, and what have you with out even thinking about it.

An alien space ship crashed in New Mexico, Lee Harvey Oswald was used as a patsy in the assassination of Kennedy, Government scientists are controlling the weather and other “natural” disasters, wars are being started to control the economies of nations and the world. Are they for real or not? My thoughts on it are, does it really matter in the grand scheme of things? I will not put my head in the sand but I am not going to obsess about it either. I have to watch what information I put out there and live my life where I am. If there are conspiracies going on out there what can I do about it? I will not live my life in fear or run from what is happening, but do the best I can to take care of myself and those I care for. Stay informed to the best that we can but do not let theories dictate the life that we live.

Being right or wrong.

The other day while watching a movie a friend and I had a discussion about one of the characters in the movie. I had stated, “He’s the guy that is on Entourage, you know, Ari” My friend replied that it wasn’t the same person. We spent a little time discussing this but nothing came of it. I felt that I had the guy correct, and my friend felt differently, but it was not worth any more discussion. We continued to watch the movie, having a great time and a great day.

To continue this little story though I need to tell you what I did and usually do when confronted with something that can be verified online. I checked it out and found out that I was wrrrrrrrrrrr, I was wrrrrrrrrro, I had made a mistake. So here is what I did. I sent a text to my friend discussing the matter. Here is what was said;

ME: Btw I had mistaken Paul Giamatti for Jeremy Piven. Giamatti was on Duplicity with Julia Roberts, Piven is Ari. I was mistaken.

Friend: But you do admit when u know u r wrong, I like that.

Friend: Yep… I knew that, but you were so stubborn

ME: LOL. I can b can’t I.

Friend: LOL

Me: Thanks for understanding me.

Why is this worth blogging about you may ask. I can think of several reasons. There are many times that you get into a discussion with someone and you differ on the outcome. One may be right and that means the other is wrong. How do you handle it? How many times has it led to an argument? Then once it is discovered that one is incorrect how important is your response to that? Often times there is an “I told you so” involved, or “you were wrong” mentioned.

Here is my take on why this is worth blogging about. First was that without saying a word we both agreed to disagree with each other and we let it be, as it was no big deal. Next was that I admitted to being mistaken and that is a difficult thing for many of us to do. Then there was a verification of my acknowledgement to being incorrect that was done in a very positive manner. Now take a look at the next line, telling me that I was “so stubborn” could have set me off, but I took it as funny because I was verified by the person previously. The thing is I know who I am and admit freely that I am pretty stubborn. I had to actually laugh out loud to the stubborn statement because this person does know me very well. I am so thankful that this person does understand me as it is so refreshing, being able to be me. Just as important, I understand the other person as well, so we could laugh at the whole thing.

You may be able to see other important issues from this and I welcome that. I am seeing how important it is to be walking in the same direction as others in all my relationships. Conflicts occur often but when you are on the same page as others, walking in the same direction it makes things run so much smoother. To know who you are, being free to express yourself, as well as others knowing who you are is so important. Just the same it is important for others to be who they are, expressing themselves freely as well. There is no need to take offense to others when we allow others and ourselves to be exactly who we are, and verifying them as well as being verified.

Saying the littlest of words can bring about the largest of impacts.

When you are going about your daily routine do you greet people? Saying Hi!! to the person walking in the store as you are entering. As you drive on the hectic roadways and enter that construction zone do you throw a wave at the person directing traffic? (Not the one finger salute either!!!) As you are sitting waiting on your server to make their way to your table how do you greet them?

I could come up with some more areas but I believe you understand where I am coming from or should I say going with this. Now, not always, but over 90 percent of the time I would say that I attempt to acknowledge others I see or come across. It may not always be a word but most of the time it is a smile. Often it involves a “Hey! How’s it goin?” or to the server it is, “I am doing really good (or great), and you?” It doesn’t take much effort to be positive or smile or just acknowledge others. But what good does it do? Often times I never know but from talking to others I know that they enjoy pleasant words, a smile or a wave. It puts a smile on my face when others do the same to me. You have seen the commercial where a person helps another in a simple way and then that person or someone who saw it passed it on to another, over and over until it came back. It really does mean something to some people. Yes, there is the grumpy person who is never going to be happy or acknowledge a good deed but I feel it is important to show friendliness to all people. One day it may sink in or be remembered, even by that grumpy person.

I do not always do this but there was one day that I was sitting at my computer, on Facebook, and as I was looking at my list of friends online, I decided to attempt a chat with someone that was a friend, but whom I really did not know. What is the worst that could happen? No response right, so no biggie. So here I go, HEY!!! I waited for a second, closed the chat window and went on to checking things out. It wasn't long and I got a response back. We chatted for a while, figuring out the who, what, when, and where. Over time I have been advised that the time chatting has been a real help to the person. I have done this with both sexes and have really gotten into some interesting conversations. By initiating a conversation I have been able to help others through difficult times or say something that they needed to hear or was even able to hear from them something that I was in need of.

I have come to realize the importance of saying Hey, flashing a smile or even that quick wave of acknowledgement. It may just be what that other person receiving the acknowledgement needed. The older I get I am seeing that there are things I have to offer to others. Being willing to step out there and be available is all that any of us can do. Forcing yourself or your opinions on others is not an option, but to offer what you have to others in the most simple of ways can mean more than you realize.

Being in the battle of life.

Where do you go when life seems to hit you hard and you have nowhere to go? OK for all you spiritual people, I know, I know, you go to God. But I mean in reality what do you do? Some go to their pastor, some to a good friend, others an advisor or counselor, others to family, and then there are those that deal with it on their own. I am not going to say that one or the other is the best because I feel that in each one of us there is a safe place that we can go. Throughout our life we have searched and found that one place we can go or at least I hope that we have.

I have found several different places that are fairly safe to go to. Yes, God is one of them, but sometimes when I need an answer that I am not hearing from God I seek it from other individuals or groups. Being that I do attend church I find answers from men who you want to believe, should be in constant contact with God. They are there for that weekly or semi-weekly feeding, pastors and Sunday school instructors. But because I have been burned by “spiritual” people I do not fully trust in that. I attend several groups that give me insight in many areas, one being a Bible study and the other being a Journey Group of singles. You would think that those are fairly good places also, but are they? In the places I mentioned you tend to find posers, people that are pretending to be something that they are not, to show spirituality. I have found that though these are decent places sometimes you just can not be open and honest because in doing so you show weaknesses. The last thing that a poser wants to do is show weakness, because then they are not what they are showing themselves to be. So you get the typical church answer. It is always easy to present the church answer because you can not go wrong with it. You mention a verse or what some Biblical great has said concerning it and therefore, Amen Brother!!! I have walked away from those feeling so empty and even further lost because I did not get the help I needed. I failed to mention support groups, you know, the ones where you are held accountable. Those that tell you that you failed by doing this or by going in that direction, giving you the feeling that you are an even bigger failure. That doesn’t work either.

What am I getting at then? Myself, I need a group that is not afraid to show themselves for whom they are. The expression we use is to get naked. To expose yourself so all can see that you have nothing to hide. When you are totally open and honest then you are free to be there for someone. Admitting that in the past I have failed but also that I have successes to lean on. All of us have our failures and successes and we take this and combine it with our knowledge, then we are able to help others. Banding together with others that have fought similar battles is where I want to be when it comes to confronting life’s battles. Battles do come with fights and not all of these fights are won, but to go into the fight with others that are willing to stand with me is how I want to go. Knowing that the person next to me is going to fight as hard as I am gives me the courage and strength to stand and fight even harder. This gives me the chance to win some of those battles life throws at me.

Seeing how the past is used for our present and that of others..

I came to a realization today as I was talking to a friend of mine. Things happen for a reason and it takes a while to understand what is behind it. My senior year in high school I developed a friendship with a neighbor. She was a mother figure and had lots to share with me. I would stop by her house and visit with her almost every day that year when I was not practicing for basketball or baseball. She was able to share with me lots of wisdom and insight that I would not accept from my own mother. I learned so much from those talks and was able to put so much of it in my head, though I may not have realized the reasoning for it.

Now just prior to my graduation, she passed away. She was only 39 if I am not mistaken. It was a tough time for me as no one really knew how close we became during that time. I will always cherish that time of my life. I have looked back at this and knew there was a reason for the relationship and always thought it was because I needed someone besides my own mother to help me through things. Though I have not always followed the path she was able to share with me I have always come back to it. Then it finally hit me.

For some reason God chose to take this angel to be with Him leaving behind a husband and three children. We can not question this as all things are in His control. But why was I allowed to spend so much time with her. I may have found an answer to that. This past year I was blessed to have her daughter reintroduced into my life. I have met her, her husband and daughter and they are a wonderful family. As I was chatting with her she mentioned how much she missed having her mother to talk to when she goes through all the things that families deal with. She and I have had many discussions concerning many subjects and during one of those times it hit me. As she was left with out a mother at a young age, not able to have guidance during those impressionable days, I had many months to take in many of the things her mother would have eventually shared with her, but due to the death, that never happened. Now I am not saying that everything I learned from our talks I remember but I do know that I was shaped into who I am because of some of it. I believe that I am being used now to talk to the daughter and share with her the things her mother would have taught her. God knew He was taking her to be with Him and He knew that somehow somewhere her words would need to get to her daughter.

I am not saying any of this to point to me as being super spiritual or anything, because I do not feel I am. Please do not think that. All I want to get across is that things happen in our lives that we don't understand. Sometime we never get to see or understand the reasoning behind them and sometimes we do. Take what happens in our lives and embrace it. Our plans are not what is important in the major scheme of life. Things happen for reasons beyond our control and if we stay connected and in line with the bigger picture our past will be used to form our future and that of others.

Dying to self.

When you are forgotten or neglected, or purposely set at naught and you don't sting and hurt with insult or the oversight but your heart is happy, being counted worthy for Christ--- THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When your good is evil spoken of, your wishes are crossed, your advice disregarded, your opinions ridiculed, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart or even defend yourself, but take it all in patient loving silence, THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When you lovingly and patiently hear any disorder, and irregularity, or any annoyance when you stand face to face with waste, folly, extravagance, spiritual insensibility and endure it as Jesus endured it... THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When you are content with any food, any offering, and raiment, any climate, any society, any solitude, any interruption by the will of God, THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When you never care to refer to yourself in conversation or to record your own good works, or itch after commendation, when you can truly love to be unknown. -- THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When you can see your brother prosper, and have his needs met, and can honestly rejoice with him in spirit and feel no envy nor question God when your own needs are far greater and in desperate circumstances. -- THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When you can receive correction and reproof from one of less stature than yourself, and can humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly, finding no rebellion or resentment rising up within your heart.... THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

Are you dead yet? In these days the Spirit would bring us to the cross "that I may know Him... being made conformable unto His death."

Author Unknown

A Prayer for the Middle-Aged

Lord, thou knowest better than I would know myself that I am growing older and that some day I shall be old. Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion. Release me from craving to straighten out every body's affairs. Make me thoughtful but not moody, helpful but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all, but thou knowest Lord, that I want a few friends at the end.

Keep my mind free from recital of endless details, give me wings to get at the point. Seal my lips on my aches and pains. They are increasing, and love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by. I dare not ask for grace to enjoy the tales of others pains, but help me to endure with patience.

I dare not ask for improved memory, but for growing humility and a lessening of cocksureness when my memory seems to clash with the memory of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that, occasionally, I may be mistaken. Keep me reasonably sweet: I do not want to be a saint- some of them are hard to live with- but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil.

Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places, and talents in unexpected people, and give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so.

Being who I am.

Who am I? This is a question we all ask ourselves at one time or another. Then once we think we have figured out who we are we look at our self and ask who is this? That is not who I really am, why can I not be my true self?

This past weekend I was at a boot camp for men. I am not going to tell you that I was overcome with a feeling that moved me and transformed me. But I was able to see some things that happened in my past that formed my attitude and developed me into what I did during my lifetime. I would have to say it is who I became, not who I was or actually wanted to be. I am not going to mention who or what happened in my early years, as that is personal, but I want to talk about the things that I became because of what happened. The important part is what am I doing to become the best that I can be now due to learning from my past.

I know for a long time I would adjust my being into what others expected or wanted from me. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing but when that is all you do, not remaining true to yourself, you end up losing the real you. Things happened early on in my life that caused me to get quiet and not show who or what I was. I would hold things in and keep to myself and I would try to get along rather than express my thoughts. I became competitive and was able to show some of what I was through sports. Later on without having the sports I fell back into the pattern of allowing things to just happen and make sure rifts did not appear. This was not always good because eventually I did have to speak out. When you stay quiet for the longest time, eventually speaking out, showing a different side of you causes others to look at you differently. They look at you and wonder who is this person? Where did that come from? When I did this and got those questions it actually forced me back into my shell. It was easier to conform because I did not have to answer the questions. I was becoming someone that I did not like. I guess what I am trying to say is that I lost who I was and wanted to be. To make up for it I allowed myself to believe that I should be what others were telling me, who and what I should be. I would be the person they needed or wanted or expected and this was not good for me. Losing yourself to be what others want is not what others need either. It does feel good for them in the short term, but not over the long haul.

So what am I doing to be who or what I am? First of all I have learned and am still learning why I became who I was. Knowing why is the first process in figuring out who I really am. Then getting my heart back and adjusting my thoughts and patterns to become who I need to be, not just for myself, but most of all for God. We have a lot to give in life but we need to give our true self if we are to be content. Internal struggles just frustrate us as we move through our life and though it works for a while the pressure builds and we lose control. So finding the causes of our withholding and moving past them to free our self will give us the freedom to be all we can be. Not just to others but to our self.

Finding a desire, something to live for, a goal to reach, and knowing that I can get there is part of my plan to be who I am. Living an adventure, and this is not a big thing for me but I still have to have an adventure. This gives excitement inside me and helps me to let out those inner struggles, pushing me to be free to express myself. Giving myself to others is what I feel is the best part of me. I need to give my true self though, not what I think others need but the part of me that allows them to see who I am, the true me.

Am I being who I am, that true me? I hope and pray that I am. This is not something that happens over night. It takes time. They say that doing the same things over and over but expecting a different outcome is the definition of insanity. Well, I guess I was insane there for a while but I am changing that. Over the past two years I have changed from doing much of what I had done in the past. Yes, I am still working on other things but I am making progress. For the first time in a long time I am content with the things going on in my life. I do not fear expressing myself or sharing myself with others. Being circled by others that are doing the same things in themselves helps to give support. It is something that I can not do on my own and I do not need to do on my own. Having to band together makes us stronger so that we are free to be all we can be and who we can be. I want to be and will be the true me.

So who am I? I can not answer that question myself but I do know that I am being the things I need to be for myself. Others will see it and will continue to see it as they spend time with me. I am becoming the best that I have ever been. Others will get to experience the true me and hopefully will enjoy the best part of who I am.